BonBlogs…a work in progress

(See also 2009 in Questions, 2008 in Questions, 2007 in Questions, 2006 in Questions, 2005 in Questions, and 2004 in Questions.)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Cast a zombie webseries that would receive 5,000,000 hits in less than one month. Spend most of the last quarter of the year sick in bed. Launch a web distribution channel. Defriend 4600+ people at the Facebook. Turn 40.

2. Did you keep your 2010 resolutions? Will you make resolutions for 2011?

I don’t make resolutions; I invite things into my life. Looking over last year’s list, I definitely got quite a few of the invited “things” in 2010. Some more than others. For 2011, I would like to take my body back (see below for details on the 2010 slip) and receive the prosperity — specifically financially — that we’ve been building toward for years. We had the hardest year (in several ways) yet. I’m ready for the shit that “throw money at it” can solve to be solved.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Goodness. Robin and Amy both had their babies in early 2010. Michelle and Angelina each had theirs this fall. I think Jeni is due soon. Also got word that Megan and Caroline are expecting. It’s rainin’ babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

This was a fucked up year. Andrew Koenig — who had put in a deposit to take my Self-Management for Actors seminar — killed himself. It’s part of why I have such an intense commitment to my class now. If he had just SHOWN UP for our class, maybe we could’ve made a difference. You just never know. This one hit me very hard, very early this year. My dear acting coach, Corey Allen, passed away. His impact on my life will never fade. Shortly after I got going in some very cool voiceover training, Ben Hurst — who coordinated the group and encouraged me greatly — died. Hardest of all were the two unplanned trips I had to make to Atlanta in 2010. One for the funeral of my dear Uncle Bullet Harbin, who was like a father to me. The other for the memorial for my beloved Papa Bear, Art Weaver, whose love for my mother and for me (Momma Bear and Baby Bear, respectively) knew no bounds. His love surrounded me like the huge bear hugs he would give. There was nothing harder than having this last real connection to my mother (who died ten years ago this week) taken away. I am so glad I got to spend time with my Papa Bear twice in 2010, but I am so very, very sad to never hear his laugh again. Death doesn’t usually hit me this hard, because I know the connection we have with others is on a level far deeper than *just* the physical. But this year was simply brutal.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just this fine one!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Excellent health, consistent fitness, a shitton of fucking money (yes, I said “shitton” and “fucking”), success commensurate with effort. Basically, I put in a ridiculous amount of work this year for a very low return on several projects. It’s not that my picker is broken, it’s that I’ve been building an empire for a long time. I’m ready to get impatient for the return on my investment. Everyone else banks on me. It’s my turn, dammit.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

September 17th. We had celebrated Thirsty Third Thursday with the finest people on the planet the night before. Phone rings early in the morning, after several days of calls updating me on Papa Bear’s condition. After having had a relaxing, “Jesus, I need this” night of connection with my dearest friends, raising a glass to the fight Papa Bear was having between body and spirit, I just knew that call was “the call.” It was. And I would board a plane — again — to Atlanta, for yet another memorial service. (Runner-up goes to March 4th, the day we brought Class Rules! back after a hiatus. Magical to connect with these amazing hyphenates again. Another runner-up: May 16th, the day we launched Somebody’s Basement.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting through it alive. I swear, during those sickest days of November, I wondered who the fuck built a Bonnie Gillespie voodoo doll and held it upside down under water for so long. Not fun.

9. What was your biggest failure?

No failure. Only lessons. And gratitude for them.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yup. 35 days sick in bed out of 50, toward the end of the year. I wondered if I’d ever feel like myself again. Good news: I did and I do. Yay!

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My husband’s. Keith Johnson is an amazing human being. Sure, sometimes he’s just a big-ol’ goofball and/or jackass, but he really took care of me this year in so many ways. And I needed it. Way more than I’d like to admit. Thank you, honey. You truly are my hero.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Sadly, I have a consistent answer for this one, every year that this particular person cycles back into my life. Every time I’m sure there’s no chance for greater heartbreak at the hands of this person, I get reminded why the wall I build between us is so damn high. I’m not going to forget again. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to be in the presence of this person without Keith standing beside me ever again. And that’s not going to be good for anybody, so we’re just not going to ever see each other again, I’m pretty sure. Good.

13. Where did most of your money go?

Rent. It’s expensive to live in Santa Monica. We really want to buy a house so we can decrease our monthly expenses (yes, really; a mortgage payment for a starter home in North Hollywood will save us hundreds each month). That said, we sure do love where we live. It’s lovely.

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

As always, I’ll say Hacienda Hot Springs, because spending time there saves my sanity. It’s less expensive than therapy. Pure peace. Going off the grid with my loverman is just awesome.

15. What song will always remind you of 2010?

The Temper Trap’s Sweet Disposition, probably. Even though I first heard it in a soundtrack while traveling in late 2009, it was a huge part of my 2010 playlist and it always makes me smile.

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?

Sadder, but optimistically so. Ending on a down note this year, as we’re days away from the ten-year anniversary of Mom’s death and I’m just not in a good place about LOSS right now. I’ll have an uptick. I always do. And luckily, my ups last a lot longer than my downs. Just gotta breathe past this one, which shouldn’t take much longer, now that the year’s almost over.

b) thinner or fatter?

Boo. Fatter. I would’ve been able to say “thinner” ’til the run of fucked up stuff that tested my coping mechanisms. Seems comfort eating is still the most efficient of all my various coping mechanisms. While that sucks for my waistline, I have to say I prefer that I chose comfort eating over, say, smoking or recreational heroin use. So, I’m up 15 pounds from last year. Still way, way down from my all-time high (December 2007), but definitely on a path to do better for my body in 2011.

c) richer or poorer?

Boo. Poorer. Man, no wonder I wasn’t looking forward to doing this year-end meme. Boo. We seriously ran out of money this year. It’s ugly. Not going into details, just gonna say it’s tough building an empire when your sweat equity is all you’ve got to invest. Luckily, I love doing that!

17. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Recover faster. We all have downs. That’s life. Recovering faster would’ve been handy. I have been so good at encouraging and supporting others this year. I really am ready for The Year of Bon to commence. I’ve worked my ass off. I’m ready for some of that support and encouragement back.

18. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eat cheese. Seriously, I’m a mouse. Ahh… that’s my drug of choice. Goat cheese. Ridiculous.

19. How will you be spending Christmas?

Oops. Christmas is behind us now. I spent the day curled up on the sofa of my best friend’s house, next to her lovely puppy. I’m babysitting while her family is out of town for the holidays. Keith spent the day at our chiropractor’s house, entertaining two elderly kitties. We did have a few hours together, which was nice, but otherwise the day was quiet, filled with animal love, and a double-feature of 17 Again and Inception. Guess which one I liked best.

20. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Absolutely.

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Hmm… you’ll judge me, but during one of our trips to Hacienda Hot Springs, The Real Housewives of Atlanta was on and now I can’t get enough of it. Even tried to talk AnnaVo into moving back to the ATL with me so we could do the REAL real version of that show. Hee! I mean, where else do you get quotes to live by like, “Dogs don’t bark at parked cars,” as an explanation that you HAVE TO be doing something if they’re writing about you on the Internet? Dude. That shit is deep.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don’t hate. I’ve got no time for that nonsense.

23. What was the best book you read?

Probably Small Screen, Big Picture by Chad Gervich. It’s on loan to me from the aforementioned AnnaVo. As I’m EPing a webseries, developing a TV series, and watching Keith prepping to deliver a pilot to AMC, it’s filled with important information, and the historical overview of the evolution of TV is just delicious to the J-School girl in me.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Loved getting into The Temper Trap (see above). Also crazy about Florence and the Machine’s Dog Days Are Over, Neon Trees’ Animal, and Phoenix’s Lisztomania. All new to me and all really good stuff for 2010. I love the Shazam app on my iPhone. It really continues to enrich my musical life.

25. What did you want and get?

Love. Lots and lots and lots of love. And not just any love… the unconditional kind. How often can you say that about the people you surround yourself with? That they provide you with unwavering, unconditional love? I am so very fortunate. Oh… also… an iPad. A really badass casting gig with a crew I’ll always treasure having worked with. Further development work with my amazing Team Cricket Feet. Our best visit ever with precious Quinn.

26. What did you want and not get?

The ability to finance our dreams and the dreams of others without stress. A paint-job for my 21.5 year-old baby car. Puppies. A House. Financial rewards that equal the effort I put in every day.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?

The A-Team. I kid you not. Saw it three times in theaters in its first few weeks out. Gushed about it for Jenn Page’s Movie Review Round Table. Watched it another two or three times on my iPad. Seriously. That’s good stuff.

28. What did you do on your birthday? How old were you?

This was the first year precious Quinn was in Los Angeles on my birthday. He usually leaves just days before. This year, he was here and wanted to take me to Dan Tana’s, which I let him do. We had a lovely early dinner, shared laughs and flirtation, and welcomed in my 40s. Yes… now, I am 40.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

One of those magic buttons that you push when someone is a dick to you and they just get sucked through a big hole in the planet, never to be seen again. I’m very lucky. Not very many people treat me poorly. But one of the longest-term abusers of my good heart stepped all over me this year and I wasn’t prepared for it. Never again.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Same, same, same. Jeans, cami tops with cute little sweater thingies over ‘em, occasionally a wrap or a scarf. Black boots or black sandals. Lovely mix-and-match jewelry.

31. What kept you sane?

Class. It’s why we brought it back. I realized in February — in addition to it being something that possibly could’ve made a difference in Andrew’s decision to take his own life — that it feeds ME to be around these amazing people each week, in service of fueling their dreams. So, we’re back and I’m better for it.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Zac Efron. Holy cow. Did I mention watching 17 Again? Um… he’s yummy. And, er, he’s not too young for me to say that about, right? He’s at least legal. I think. Er… nothing to see here. Move along.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Again, Prop 8. I believe I’ll keep listing this as the most-stirring of political issues ’til we get this thing fixed. Our last civil rights movement. I’m excited to say we’ll be the generation that ends this ridiculous discrimination.

34. Who did you miss?

My momma. And now Papa Bear.

35. Who was the best new person you met?

Gosh… a couple. Jenn Page. She’s a mover, shaker, project-maker, all-around badass. Jarrett Lee Conaway. Phenomenal director whose revolutionary webseries (Bite Me) I was hired to cast. Watch this guy. MAGIC is happening. I’m glad I got to be a part of it. Also met a bunch of amazing actors I’d not met before, via auditions for Bite Me and Class Rules! too. So many wonderful people in this town! [22-hours later: EDIT. Are you fucking kidding me? Laurie Records! Our ladydates every six weeks in 2010 got me convinced we'd known each other much longer than just 11 months. Holy crapcakes! How lucky am I to have such a wonderful friend and colleague? Way.]

36. What valuable life lesson did you learn in 2010?

Breathe.

37. What song lyrics sum up your year?

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh…
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh…
Oh I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love…

Nothing you would take…
Everything you gave.
Hold me ’til I die…
Meet you on the other side.

Wow. This is getting intense. My November 1st goal was 100 friends unplugged per day, taking me down to my core group only at Facebook by year-end. Well, one of the benefits to being in-bed-level sick for days and days on end is that the only work I could focus on, some days, was defriending.

And defriend I did! As of this blog post, I am down to 599 (from 4985, just five weeks ago).

At first, it was difficult, because I wanted to be fair. I wanted to apply OCD-like criteria that “If she goes, he goes,” and I would decide that it should happen around the same time so one doesn’t get upset about the other still being on my friends list, and such.

Talk about crazymaking bullshit.

You want to challenge any OCD, fairness neurosis, this is the way to do it. Just know that “everyone is going.” And then you get less “fair” about any of it. It’s only a matter of time ’til everyone’s gone anyway, so out, out, out they go… unless it’s someone who is just so very entertaining, pleasing, valuable on a soul level to me that I want them popping up in my feed daily… and then that person can stay.

For now.

But I keep in the back of my head, “But you’re all going away eventually,” which gives me the freedom to keep some folks around for a bit longer.

And as my friends list goes from truly overwhelming (seriously, you guys, very few of you know what it’s like to have 20 new friend request per day; an inbox filled with dozens of requests for advice, feedback, and attendance at shows; overflowing invitations to screenings and networking events; on top of the real-life/non-industry stuff) to somewhat manageable, I find something fascinating happening.

My OCD-like tendencies to answer every damn post, message, event, or tag no longer make Facebook a hellish place to visit, daily. Because my fan page (which many have graciously started using for interaction, which I greatly appreciate) doesn’t send email alerts or even within-Facebook notifications of interaction, comments, wall posts, etc., I can go to the page and deal with the contact people have made when I’m in the right headspace to deal with it rather than when Facebook alerts me something is going on. (Their hyper-connectivity tools aren’t in place for fan pages. THANK GOODNESS.)

That means I can be filled with grace and love and helpful advice and tolerance for the same questions asked over and over and over again (a favorite was the post from an actor saying she’d looked EVERYWHERE for a mailing address for me but couldn’t find one… and her post was on the wall right NEXT TO the mailing address for Cricket Feet, right there in the margin of the damn fan page) because I’m not constantly being pelted with clutter.

*sigh*

I have space at my Facebook space, for once. THIS is how I should’ve connected from the start. By drawing a line in the sand and stating, “You took my class, you’re IN. You show up for Thirsty Third Thursday, you’re IN. You otherwise thrill my soul somehow and never make me regret spending a moment of energy on you or with you, you’re IN,” I have made my personal Facebook page a truly delightful place to be. (And I still have a few hundred more defriends to do!)

As for people who are mad (seriously. Mad. Weird, right? Ownership issues, much?) at having to interact on my fan page or here at my blog or via Twitter or at LinkedIn or via email or in real life (seriously — is that not enough?), I say we probably are better off learning about the sustainability of our friendship after all. Too fragile to withstand lack of connection in one place? Too damn bad.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve gotten to know everyone better as I let them go. How much time do we really spend lingering on others’ pages? Try it. For me, I was shocked that literally HUNDREDS of my friends use the same damn Marilyn Monroe quote as their favorite on their page. HUNDREDS. Further amused by how many folks will slap up a quote as by “unknown” rather than Googling the dang thing to attribute correctly. *sigh*

Here’s another cool thing: Our Internet was out on Monday and instead of finding ways to do email or check Facebook on my phone, I used the day to do NON-INTERNET-related tasks (many of which had fallen way behind on my to-do list). I constantly wanted to check something online or verify a section I’d written in a document by looking it up on the web, or checking comments on this week’s column, feedback on Bite Me, etc., and instead I HAD TO just live in my space. My REAL space.

It was AMAZING. I seriously recommend everyone take some technology breaks, regularly. Live Amish for a day. See what it’s like to just SIT with yourself and read or think or daydream. HIGHLY recommended. Good for a soul reboot.

As the fabulous Shelley Delayne said in reply to a status update on my page recently, When I saw “March of the Penguins,” I harumphed for a very long time about how the penguins managed to gather together by the thousands without having cellphones, FB, or evites and yet I can’t seem to get a group of friends together for lunch even with all three! So every time you write about “unplugging,” I see penguins scooting through the snow and cheering.

Me too! For someone like me who has trouble with boundaries and wants to be accessible to everyone, this is a huge step — and one I’m taking without apology. As I’ve said to anyone who has asked, I love you all and will miss the easy connection… but value the more effort-based ones I know we’ll make.

Let’s pledge more facetime in 2011. No, it’s not easy, but imagine how much fun we’ll have!

[Looking for the big-ass post, Facebook: How I Unplugged? Click that!]

A few months back, I cast this amazing zombie webseries for Machinima, a hugely popular gaming site. Working with Cindi Rice, Andy Shapiro, Ralph Sanchez, and the brilliantly talented director Jarrett Lee Conaway was a true honor. (I didn’t work closely with Bob Quinn or John Frank Rosenblum, but shout-outs to them as well, of course.)

The casting process was an enormous blast and casting the amazing Yousef Stevens, Ryan Welsh, Justin Giddings, Risdon Roberts, Dani Lennon, Phil Kruse, Dustin Coffey, Erin Fitzgerald, Bruce Robert Cole, Jason Nott, and Azmyth Kaminski was a highlight of my year.

It’s not typical that casting directors get poster art and on-screen credit in a trailer (or in a gaming webseries itself, really), but I asked for what I get when I cast feature films and the producers took great care of me. I truly appreciate that. I wanna make sure I take care of my rockstar casting assistant for this project, Candice Marie Flournoy, whose help in the casting process was indispensable. HUGE thanks!

So, without further ado, let’s check out the first two episodes, shall we? (Clicking the badass poster art, above, will also take you to the series channel at YouTube.) 32,000 views in the first four hours? Not bad, folks. Again, could not be more proud to have been a part of such a very cool experience. I’ll never forget the day I showed up at Machinima for my interview. As I signed in, I looked at the names of the other casting directors they had interviewed earlier in the day and said to myself, “Girl, you have no shot at this gig.”

And then I stopped the old “actor mind taffy” mindset in its tracks and said, “Gillespie, stop that! All you gotta do is get in the room.” And I did. And here we are. What an awesome ride! Jarrett Lee Conaway is a superstar and Cindi Rice is not only a fantastic producer but a dear supporter since the days of the Cricket Feet Showcase. I am very fortunate to be a part of this community and even more excited that I can call these fine folks my friends.

Now… Bite Me, wouldja?