I think I got it.

Okay, in just ten days’ time, I’ve had a couple of pretty significant confrontations with people who don’t (or won’t) own their feelings in public. And somehow, this offends me. I think I’ve figured out why.

I’m a big fan of “living out.” I have been inspired to be “out” about my damage (and my gifts) ever since ending my ten-year prescription drug addiction eight years ago. It’s like something inside me decided I could not, and would not, ever live with a secret (shadow self) again. And so I don’t. If I feel strongly about something, you know it. I show where I’m broken and I show where I’m strong. And I think that’s why I’m offended when others don’t live like that. Offended? Is that the right word? Not sure.

So, what does any of this have to do with Domino’s Pizza?

Remember that urban myth from the ’80s about Domino’s Pizza’s profits going straight to Operation Rescue? Boy, I do. I remember friends in high school who refused to eat Domino’s Pizza because they knew that their pizza dollar (or even their willingness to eat a FREE piece of Domino’s pizza) lined the pockets of those who staged the most obnoxious and violent of protests outside Planned Parenthood (even those locations that only covered family planning and exams, not abortions). I remember then thinking, “Hey, if you want to ‘fight’ Operation Rescue, go down to Planned Parenthood and volunteer. What the heck is your pizza choice going to do about anything?”

Well, a few hours ago, I noticed that there weren’t nearly enough signatures on the petition to end the private auctions of shirtless boys’ headshots on eBay, so I posted the request for support on several of the actors’ web boards I frequent. Within moments, I got an email from an angry visitor to one of those boards who — get this — refuses to sign the petition (even though he agrees with its principle) because the website run by one of the sponsors of the petition includes an article about the realities of going FiCore within the actors’ union.

What?

The thing is, instead of just choosing NOT to sign this petition because of this other issue, he chose to TELL ME about why he wouldn’t be supporting this cause. THEN HE ASKED ME TO KEEP THAT CORRESPONDENCE PRIVATE.

I wrote back and basically said, “Look… sign the petition. Fine. Don’t sign the petition. Fine. But to feel strongly about your reasons to not sign the petition and then NOT want to share those reasons in public, but instead privately to me, well… that’s just bizarre. If you don’t feel strongly enough about this to be OUT about it in public, I certainly don’t see the reason to come out about it to ME.”

Okay, done. Thing is, his email stayed with me. I couldn’t figure out why this guy got under my skin so. I mean, so what? If I really don’t care whether he signs the petition (much less why he does or does not do so), then why do I care that he needed to be so righteously indignant… in private to me?

Ah, yes! Now I get it. It’s the same reason I got so weirded out by a very dramatic phone conversation Monday morning. Someone who is livid about something I never wrote (but that he somehow read, interpreted, projected) in my column wanted to tell me all about how he felt… but didn’t take me up on my offer from last week, where I basically GAVE HIM the rebuttal space in my next piece, should he choose to take it.

It’s not that these folks mind disagreeing with me. It’s that they don’t want to do it IN PUBLIC.

Keith says that’s probably due to the fact that they know they couldn’t win an argument with me and wouldn’t want to be embarrassed. Look… I don’t even see it AS an argument. These are people who want to fight about something that has NOTHING TO DO with what I’ve said or done. They have issues with things that somehow got triggered by something I said or did… but actually don’t relate AT ALL to me. So then why do they want to fight with me? And why are they more frustrated when I shrug and ask, “So, what do you want to have happen, here?”

Hmm. Probably because what they WANT is for me to engage them in a fight about the issue THEY have. I’m just not going to do that. Whatever is going on in their world is about them… not me. And I can’t fix their perception that something I did “started” this “whole thing” (which I see as a non-thing).

I guess the moral of the story is this: BE WHO YOU ARE whether you are in public or all alone. And that person, that YOU, shouldn’t look different in either setting. It’s all the same YOU that the universe sees, no matter what.

And… if you have a problem with what Operation Rescue does outside of Planned Parenthood, go to Planned Parenthood and take it up with the Operation Rescue people. Don’t boycott Domino’s Pizza, cuss out the guy who works at the franchise, or throw yourself in front of the delivery guy who’s working for minimum wage and tips after school.