Yesterday I was speaking with a group of actors about the torture that is networking. Of course, I don’t see networking as torture. I see it as something I used to be bad at and now, something that I’m very good at. That took work. And research. And practice. But many actors see networking as a “necessary evil” affiliated with pursuing a career in showbiz. And it’s certainly necessary, but that doesn’t make it evil. 😉
So, as I spoke about networking, I came up with a comparison to something that actors do every day, in their work (well, certainly something that improvisational actors do expertly, in their acting). “Yes, and…” It’s that wonderful way that every question is answered, in which every line of dialogue is met. Okay, so you know how to “yes, and…” when you’re acting. Let’s look at networking as a great opportunity to do even more of that.
First off, realize that no one is at a legitimate networking event because he or she has been paid to be there. Of course, there are networking events for which professionals are paid for their time, but even with those types of events, the high-profile people who might’ve lined their pockets in exchange for an hour or two don’t have to stick around and chat with you unless they want to.
Therefore, the biggest misconception of networking — that no one really wants to meet you or spend time with you — is exactly that: a misconception. If the CD, the agent, the manager, the producer, the director, the writer, is there, talking to you, it’s because he or she wants to be there, talking to you.
Now, how to make that a less-than-torture-filled experience. 😉
Well, if you’re at a networking event that takes place after a play or a showcase, you know that these fine folks have experienced your work and want to chat with you to get to know more about who you are, outside of that work they just saw you do. If you’re at an event that begins with a Q&A or panel discussion by the industry pros and then ends with a mixer, well, then these folks may not know anything about you other than the fact that you belong to this group. Start from there.
No, your job isn’t to sidle up next to someone in the industry and begin spouting off an oral resumé. Honestly, the best opening line you can give to anyone is very simply: “Thank you so much for being here.” If that is met with a reply of, “Well, thank you so much for having me,” then you’re given the greenlight for continuing communication. (If you get a polite smile and nod, just move along.) Most folks are going to say, “Oh, no problem! I enjoy this group so much. You did good work tonight,” and then you have your opportunity to reply with a: “Wow! Thanks! I had a blast doing it.” (Remember, never tell someone they’re wrong for having enjoyed your work. That’s a very bad actor habit, and one that’s so easy to overcome with practice.)
Must you have things in mind, ready for networking chitchat? No. Not if you’re a good improviser. Here’s where that “yes, and…” comes in.
CD: I really liked your scene.
You: Thank you so much! I had a really good time working on it. My scene partner is awesome.
CD: Yes. She did a very nice job. But so did you.
You: It’s a blast when you have great material, a wonderful partner, and a support team to make you look good.
CD: Don’t downplay your talent. You are very talented.
You: Well, it means a lot to me that you were here to see the show. Is there anyone you wanted to meet that you haven’t seen yet?
CD: Actually, yes. Thank you for asking. I’d love to meet your director. Is he here?
And on from there. This is a great example of how someone who would ordinarily deflect compliments in the way Wonder Woman deflects bullets with her bracelets can turn every bit of the conversation into an opportunity to “yes, and…” while not feeling like an egomaniac or a denial-driven actor.
Here are a few questions I’ve received recently regarding networking and chitchat during the audition process. I thought they might fit in nicely, this week.
Bonnie~
I am an avid reader of your columns and think the advice you give is amazing! My question is; how important is small talk and what does it all mean from the casting director’s side of things? Often when I go into a room, there is a bit of small talk or chitchat between myself and the CD, is this just getting to know my personality or is this part of the old saying, “You book the job from the first ten seconds you are in a room”? And what about once you finish your read? I’ve always heard it is a very good sign if you get the small talk after they’ve seen your read? Have you ever had a time where a great actor has nailed the audition but bombed the small talk interview, and did it matter? I would love to know what your thoughts and experiences on this chatting matter are.
Thank you for being you and letting us in on some amazing secrets!
Thanks,
Sage
First, big thanks for all of the love! 🙂 Glad you’re enjoying the columns and getting something out of them.
Next, I think the issue of small talk before or after a read is more about the casting director’s style and mood than it is a sign of your proximity to booking. Sometimes we know we’re running behind, so we don’t do pre-audition chitchat but will take the time after to do so with a really strong candidate (or even an actor who is wrong for THIS role but perhaps right for another role — or even a role in another project — but we don’t have time to have him read for that other role, so we’ll chat in case there’s a natural glint in his personality that shows us he could do that other role). But I’ve seen actors asked to stay in for a chat and be the absolute last choice in producers’ minds; they’re just fascinated by something on the actors’ resumés or want a date or something. Many times, the chitchat has nothing to do with whether you’re close to booking the role.
As for whether bombing that small talk can keep you from booking when you did a really strong audition, well, yeah. Absolutely. Let’s say you’re totally right for the role and you did a great job at the audition. But the director has another actor in mind who he knows really well in person. He knows, based on this relationship and the subtleties of the non-work-environment interactions, that that actor is a great fit for the role. And if you can both be a better actor than that other actor who is on his mind AND hit those subtle levels of personality that come out in chitchat, the role is yours. If instead you choke in that moment and give really bad “room,” you’re less likely to book, simply because these folks know they’re investing in days or weeks on set with you, and they have to “feel you” sometimes. This is where it gets back to the whole, “it’s a lot like dating” thing: No one wants to spend a ton of time around someone they’re feeling no connection with.
Hello Bonnie,
Thank you for your columns. They are SO helpful. Much appreciated. I do a lot of things around town by myself, since I know I can count on myself turning up and would like to start attending some more events for networking like screenings and the like. Is it weird if I go alone and if I choose to, will men think I am “up for grabs” since I am alone or will they assume I am there for the same reasons they are and act accordingly? I don’t know much about “the scene” and whatnot. FYI, I am very married but he cannot attend many things with me. You’re a girl, what to do? Thank you in advance for your advice, Bonnie.
Regards,
Sera Bailey
Thank you for reading my columns and for writing in. I really appreciate that! 🙂
Ah yes, the ever-scary endeavor that is attending a networking event alone as a woman and then having to deal with “the sleazebag factor.” It’s a very real thing, and it actually happens when your husband is with you and staring down the sleazebags who think it doesn’t matter, since you’re there and obviously that means you’re fair game. 😉
I’m actually working on the third edition of Self-Management for Actors right now and one of the essays for this new edition has been contributed by a wonderful working actor who happens to be female and beautiful and single. And her essay is about exactly this issue. There is a level of skill involved in being able to navigate the waters of “showing up on your own” at these things. Yes, even if you’re outside the “twenty-something hotty” type range. In fact, sometimes the sleaze factor is even more present for “character actors” like I was, back in my acting days.
Anyway, the key is having arm candy ready, whenever you are headed out. If hubby isn’t available, you reach out to your standing date types and say, “Okay, I have another thing and I need you for arm candy.” And regardless of whether the event is something they’ll get something out of too, you can count on them being ready to join you and escort you around the room.
Of course, since even arm candy, husbands, and a can of mace can’t always keep you safe from unwanted advances (and, hey, it is the land of “being universally attractive at all times” in order to be ultimately castable), the best defense is a willingness to flirt coupled with the ability to say, “Actually, I’m just here to do professional networking, not social networking.” Usually that will be met with a response of, “Oh, don’t YOU think you’re something? I was just being nice.” At which point, you smile and nod and know that conversation could’ve gone an entirely different way, had you said anything other than that.
*sigh* It’s just a part of the balance, it seems. Most of the actively working actors out there are both attractive and accessible (to people of both genders). So, you have to embrace that you’re considered “a catch” while also making sure those boundaries are very clearly drawn. And it gets murky in this business. Better to know that going in, right?
Greetings Bonnie Gillespie,
A note of thanks for your weekly words of encouragement, sagacity, and introduction. It is great to hear from someone like Alex Collins, the “Auditioning Actor,” at POV. I found his advice, while familiar, well-thought-out and organized, and — more importantly — forward-thinking and positive.
Networking with other actors is one of the things I feel is important, but doing this can be little tricky, too! When meeting folks, I find attitudes and goals can be frustratingly different, running into a lot of negativity on many — and subtle — levels. Finding “forward thinking and positive” friends and acquaintances sometimes comes in the form of your columns and contributors like Alex.
So, thank you for your friendly, accessible, and upbeat voice!
Kind regards,
CJ McGinnis
Well, first off, HUGE thanks. And thanks for keeping up with POV. It’s sort of the stepchild to The Actors Voice, so I love getting feedback on it (even though it’s been really hard to get people outside of LA to contribute content — yes, that’s a cry for help). Alex is a dear friend with a very cool worldview on this industry, which comes from having a high-end business background (which I think is a great idea for actors who can handle that heavy lifting in college).
I too have seen a good number of “negative nellies” in my various networking experiences and I think that has everything to do with how easy it is to just be DOWN about this whole process. Hey, acting isn’t easy. Especially in a major market. It requires lots of time and energy and devotion and research and professionalism and relationships and resilience and passion! And I often intersect with actors who want to grouse about how hard it is. And, yep, life is hard. You get to pick your hard. Do you like the hard that is pursuing acting? Yay, you. That’s your hard. All of us have it hard. That’s the bottom line.
But actors like to believe that they’ve got it super-extra hard because so much of what they show up for results in a NO.
Well, I say that’s a great opportunity to say that you know how your life is gonna be! Filled with the answer: NO. And since most people have no idea what their life is going to look like, day to day, how ’bout embracing at least knowing that MOST of the time you show up to an audition, the answer is going to be NO? That’s job security, dammit!
Anyway, thank you. And keep on keepin’ on. Pursue the positive. Connect with the connected. Enjoy the enjoyment. Cliché, maybe, but also not that bad, as free advice goes. 😉
Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!
Originally published by Actors Access at http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice/archives/000878.html. Please support the many wonderful resources provided by the Breakdown Services family. This posting is the author’s personal archive.