Okay. I’ll admit it. I have watched The Anna Nicole Show.
I actually was quite looking forward to its premiere. How could I not have known about the show? With the full-on media blitz that was the advertising campaign for what the E! Entertainment Television networked hoped would be their “The Osbornes,” there was no way to not know this show was starting up.
I tuned in on that first Sunday night, champagne at my side (I knew, just from the promos, that there there would be no way to enjoy this show without some sort of libation of my own), half-hoping that Anna Nicole would crush her poor little dog in an early-on-in-the-episode stumble/tumble.
Within four minutes (yes, I was generous), I knew I could not possibly invest another second in this show. This vapid woman seems to be drunk with power, drunk off her ass half the time, and medicated with some delicious Valium-based sedative the rest of the time. I can see why. I would need to be too, were that my life.
Honestly, I went in thinking I would root for this poor underdog of a Playmate or at least have fun giggling at her cluelessness. Instead, I am just saddened (nearly sickened) by her every choice. She sits, makeup-free, in the interview segments (shooting for intimacy, I guess) and I wonder, how metaphorically naked can one be while adorned with fake nails, fake boobs, bleached hair, and the facial track marks associated with botox injections.
I realize I am feeling sorry for this woman. That can’t be what the executives at E! had in mind when putting this show together. Or is pitty-viewing a draw that people have begun to hope for? I realize that there are very few new ideas hitting the tube these days, and perhaps the train wreck syndrome was destined to be the new stab at Must See TV.
After watching one episode, I was ready to soak my eyeballs in acid. But then I found myself tuning in again. Why? Perhaps I’ll never know. Perhaps I can blame my interest on that catchy theme song. And, of course, any TV show that has its own drinking game within two weeks of its premiere deserves at least a second look. I suppose, as long as I’m cultivating a TV-based drinking problem, I might as well let Anna Nicole be the one who drives me to drink.