Last week’s column on Just Once More really hit home with a bunch of you fine folks, based on the emails I received. It’s always fascinating to me how there’s this wave of summer Actor Funk that seems to permeate, and that’s why I like to remind everyone (myself included) that sometimes all it takes is one more go to really make it to that miracle.
Well, regular readers know that I’m all about transparency and I’ll share the toys of anyone who shares ’em with me, but I’m certainly not the type to share someone’s “low times” with the world, by name. Of course, if the person who inspired a column that inspired others wants to step up and say, “Hey, that was me,” I’m going to share that, because it’s the bravest share of all, that person is giving us.
All this to say, last week’s column was inspired by Leah Cevoli. She was the wonderful person who was facing a low point last fall and who talked with me about it during our Self-Management for Actors class, launching the whole “Just Once More” topic that I pulled from for last week’s piece. And being the giving, lovely person she is, Leah wrote in with a great “yes, and…” to the column.
I was having a rough actor day yesterday. You know the kind where you can barely keep a smile in your heart, and your energy is focused completely on trying not to be depressed at your lack of representation, the number on the scale, or the dollars in the credit union. I was in need of inspiration of any kind and I headed frantically to Bonnie’s column to search out the column, “When To Pack It In and Go Home.”
See, toward the end of last year, as I was closing out the most productive year of my career thus far (I co-produced a short film and co-founded a film festival for crissakes!), I had a rather large meltdown in front of a group of people in my inner circle. I was listing all of the milestones I had achieved, yet crying in frustration at how stuck and stagnant I felt, so Bonnie (and Keith), recommended I read “When To Pack It In and Go Home.”
I didn’t read it. I was afraid to. I was afraid that I would read it and decide that it was indeed time to pack it up and go home.
Now, six months later, after just having a birthday that puts me into the latter half of my thirties, I was experiencing a similar feeling, just a little less emotional. I was going thru a round of the “not enoughs” — you know what I mean: not enough credits, not enough auditions, not enough, not enough, not enough — and as I was trying my hardest to focus on the positive (like the webseries I just created), I thought, “It’s time. It’s time to read Bonnie’s article to see if it really was time.”
I clicked on the link and up popped Bonnie’s latest article “Just Once More.” As I started to read it the tears started flowing. I thought about the line of cars waiting behind me, and how if I were to get off the freeway, there would be ten others ready to take my place. When I was done, I clicked the links for “When To Pack It In and Go Home” and “The Journey” and I realized three things.
I had actually read “pack it in” last year, when it was recommended to me, and for the second time, I can reassure myself that it’s not time, there is not a doubt in my mind that I enjoy the journey, and that this moment in time, this shaky, confused thing I’m currently feeling is simply another one of those moments. One of those moments where you have to say, “just one more time.” So take a deep breath, and thru the tears that you’re trying so desperately to hold back, put the smile back in your heart and say, “just once more.” Thanks for the gentle reminder, Bon.
Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!
Originally published by Actors Access at http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice/archives/001197.html. Please support the many wonderful resources provided by the Breakdown Services family. This posting is the author’s personal archive.