“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” — Howard Thurman

So, that’s one of my favorite quotes. That’s why it kicks off the third edition of Self-Management for Actors. That’s why it’s in heavy rotation in my email program’s signature file randomizer. Good stuff.

More importantly than where I plug it, in writing, is how I use it, in life. When I ask actors to introduce themselves in my various classes, seminars, online workshops, wherever, I ask them to share — among other tidbits of interest — their favorite thing about being an actor, a fun fact not related to the industry, something that really turns them on, without fail.

Why?

Because in the classroom, in the auditorium, in the web-based vid talkback encounter, when anyone talks about that thing that makes them happiest, their face lights up. They access a part of their brain that is beautiful. They are in love with a crazy, tiny space that keeps the larger part of their lives manageable, due to its bliss and their ability to sometimes access it.

This is how we get the most focused insight into an actor’s brand. It’s a gorgeous move.

Here’s the ninja move I’ve recommended since the very earliest days of my weekly writing for an audience of actors (13 years ago): Never — when faced with anyone whose relationship you treasure, whose favor you hope to cultivate, with whom you wish to work for decades — ask someone to go to the negative.

Example: You’re at a CD workshop and it’s time for the Q&A portion of the event. Great. You’re ready. You’ve been called upon. You ask, “What are your pet peeves?”

Ugh.

It’s so gross. Think about it. Sure, some acting coach told you that getting aware of what pisses a casting person off (so that you won’t inadvertently do it) is a good idea, but think it all the way through. You just asked someone — while looking at you — to access the most negative part of his or her brain and share with you the details of something icky. You’ve just cemented your place — subconsciously — fully aligned with a negative thought. The CD is up there complaining about actors who crash auditions or who don’t look like their headshots or who show up late to auditions WHILE LOOKING AT YOU and crediting you with having taken them down this road.

You are eating it up. You’re taking notes, diligently (like your acting coach told you to do), smiling, nodding, and feeling all that lovely eye contact from the CD, believing that means you’ve really connected with this person beyond the cold read you just did, before. But what has actually happened is, you’ve taught someone to associate you — whether they ever really understand why or not — with that negative place to which you sent him, in this insipid Q&A moment.

Ask instead, “What inspires you, in your job?” “What’s the biggest casting victory you’ve had?” “Where do you see our industry going and how can we best take advantage of the opportunities that are facing us?” or — perhaps even better — “In a world where you aren’t working in casting, what is it that you’re doing for fun? WHAT MAKES YOU COME ALIVE?”

Let’s find ways to turn each other on. Collecting to grouse about what sucks is what makes social networking sites so gross sometimes. When given the opportunity to help someone access the part of their brain that wishes it got even more attention, TAKE IT. Watch those whose trains of thought you help lead to a lovely place remember you fondly for that! And they won’t even solidly know why. Ninja!

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!

Originally published by Actors Access at http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice/archives/001529.html. Please support the many wonderful resources provided by the Breakdown Services family. This posting is the author’s personal archive.