Let’s dig in on this “stop stopping” thing we ALL tend to do at one time or another.

I call it cleaning up before the maid comes.

I remember the first time I hired someone to clean my studio apartment in Miracle Mile. I was working so many survival jobs that I never had time to change my sheets and towels, run a load of laundry, or vacuum. And the tiny apartment showed that lack of care.

So I took some of the money that all those jobs helped me squirrel away and hired a friend’s cleaning lady to come be mine, once every two weeks. I felt so freakin’ fancy and wealthy. I think it cost $50. But I felt like a millionaire.

Thing is, before she came over, I would spend close to an hour doing so much to make sure she didn’t walk into a MESS of an apartment… um… I might as well have just been cleaning it myself each time she visited.

I straightened up all the piles of paper. I hung up clothes that were otherwise flung on top of the chest of drawers. I took out the trash and even swept the bathroom… um… was I cleaning up before the cleaning lady came over? Isn’t that a little redundant?

We do this in our lives in so many ways, though. Or, more likely, we use the fact that we don’t feel ready for our TRUE SITUATION TO BE SEEN that we won’t just tidy up before someone whose job it is to tidy comes over; we’ll actually never even ask for the help we need. Because it’s too humiliating to be seen struggling. To be seen needing help. To be seen… human?

I would stop here to ponder where this comes from but I think I know and I think it’s the same dominant culture voice that we hear so much of we begin to confuse it for “what’s true” or even worse, for our own voice. That messaging that we need to work harder, do more, never let ’em see us being weak… that anti-vulnerable position.

Did you know that our membership involves napping? Doing a digital detox? PLAYING for the sheer fun of it?

Yet some creatives will stop themselves from even coming into the dojo to play with us because they’re embarrassed they don’t yet know their most castable brand. They’re worried their resume is too light. They are ashamed of their small social media following (and they don’t realize that — based on the brand we help them sort out, it may actually be OFF-brand to even be ON social media). So they stop themselves from getting help until they can get things “more tidy” for the Get in Gear cleaning crew to show up to.

Ask yourself: “Where am I stopping myself from showing up — exactly as I am — to get help that could make a difference right now?”

Whether it’s “I won’t work out with that trainer until I’ve lost 10 pounds on my own” or “I won’t go to that audition class until I’ve done more self-tapes on my own” or even “I won’t get Bon’s help until I’ve done all the Self-Management for Actors work on my own” I’d like you to ask yourself if what you’re really doing is trying to clean up before the maid comes.

And could you possibly — just maybe — let down your guard about what others may think of you and instead GET GOING in the direction of your goals and hopes and dreams… with the help of those whose PLEASURE it is to be of service in your life in exactly that way?

Let me know! Comments are open just below.

Before we part, let me just say that I have never seen so many of our EXISTING members re-upping for a year-end go of our 100-day challenge! Whoa! If you’re a Get in Gear member and you want to do the 100 days along with a next-tier group committed to #CreatingTheHollywoodWeWant, hit the “Restart My 100 Days” button in the vault. Buddy up in the SMFA Dojo private Facebook group. Comment just below if you need help. 🙂 I’m excited!

If you’re not yet a member and you want to spend these last 100 days of 2020 fully supported to finally nail your most castable brand, target and land your hell-yes rep, create content that showcases your true north, heal your money mindset, and show up for yourself like never before so your next-tier dreams are more of your reality in 2021, your deadline to enroll is 10pm PDT. Go here. Now.

motionmailapp.com

BONUS: If you’ve been *loving* my free training around my soon-to-be-famous 5×5 Content Planning Method, when you enroll in our Get in Gear membership today, you’ll get to join me for the next 5×5 Content Plan-a-Thon FREE! This is where we dig in on this process together and I look over your headlines, we bounce around ideas for strategy to get content out into the world, and essentially have our own little writers room experience for a few hours on a Saturday. It’s fun! (And yes, you can just enroll in that, if that’s all you’re looking for right now.) 😉

Speaking of 5×5, I hope you’ll be joining me for the third and final livestream of my soon-to-be-famous 5×5 Content Planning Method free training at 11am PDT. Here’s the place to go to get your workbook and catch up with parts 1 and 2 if you’ve missed a moment. We’ll be streaming here at my site and there are links there to YouTube and Facebook if you prefer those sites instead. 🙂

Finally, actors of London and anywhere else in the world, really, I hope you’ll join me for my presentation with The Actors’ Centre on Thursday! I always love getting to jam with TAC (although this will be my first time doing it *not* in London!!) and if you’ve never checked them out, this is a great way to start. You do not have to be a member to attend.

Okay, lovelies, that’s it for now! See you VERY soon on the livestream and of course I’ll be welcoming quite a few of you into the dojo for 100 straight days of inspiration, structure, support, and — yes — the homework of TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. Because we’re always role modeling for the rest of the world exactly how we’re meant to be treated.

Let’s DO this!

All my love,

Bonnie Gillespie autographed the internet


Enoughness is an inside job… and sometimes you need a guide to find your way there. Let Bonnie Gillespie get you started.

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4 Comments

  1. Avatar Kimberly Logan September 22, 2020 at 10:17 am

    Not exactly the same, but reading this reminded me of how I used to hate auditioning for people I’d already worked with.
    It felt an additional pressure to be ‘as good as they know I can be’ – like I had to be extra perfect to live up to the standard I had for myself (in their eyes). I was always afraid they’d see that their first hire of me was a fluke, or if I messed up on “this” audition, they’d realize their previous mistake.
    Such a backward mindset!

    Reply
    1. Bonnie Gillespie Bonnie Gillespie September 23, 2020 at 4:31 pm

      Definitely in the same ballpark. Thank you for sharing this!! Can you recall what helped you (or helps you still) reframe that mindset?

      Reply
  2. Avatar Kimberly Logan October 5, 2020 at 8:17 am

    It is definitely still cropping up – as I build out Interdependent Study on Twitch, I’m much more hesitant about reaching out to people I know (that I intellectually KNOW would support me!) and happier to throw random posts into the internet ether, hoping someone will find me. (and not being let down if no one does!)

    I’m currently leaning into the “Launch at 85%” and “Do the next one thing” tactics I’ve learned in this community to help progress.

    I’m also being very aware of the tightness in my chest and breathing through it (tap, tap, tapping too) and NOT getting mad at myself for falling back on old habits.

    My partner is encouraging me to invite friends personally (which I do want to be doing) and my current response is “When I’m ready” – as in, feeling ‘enough’ rather than feeling confident in the project. I’m sure that being closer to a Big Ol’ 5 when I make the ask more directly, the possibility of getting thrown off or dropping the project altogether at 1 or 2 negative responses (or a big non-response) goes way down.

    Reply
    1. Bonnie Gillespie Bonnie Gillespie October 6, 2020 at 1:16 am

      Totally get this. TOTALLY. And for sure, when you have logged more hours, have had a few slips and skips and mess-ups in front of strangers and are able to say “And I didn’t die!!” about ’em, and feel like you’re not a brand-new-driver nervously maneuvering a car while freaking out, you’ll be cool inviting folks in.

      Way back when Twitter first was a thing (2006? 2007?) I had an account to just lurk and see what the place was about. By late 2007, I knew how to master the F out of that platform so I started my @bonniegillespie account to kick off 2008. I was up into thousands of followers pretty fast. I tweeted as if no one who *actually* knows me (like family and non-industry friends) were following and it would freak me out when someone would reference a tweet or *gasp* REPLY to a tweet. “How did they know I was HERE?!?”

      So I totally get that intimacy factor changing the comfort level. It’s like if you were in a play and the audience were 200 strangers vs. 200 of your closest friends and family members and all of their favorite people, every one of them watching YOU. In a VERY different way than those 200 strangers would.

      Totally normal and I’m so flippin’ proud of you for continuing on with this. Just stellar, lady!! 🙂 Twitch ON!

      Reply

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