Two Things

Go read about this adorable baby. I think it’s way cool that he’s doing so well — and has such great fashion sense!


Don’t read about me. I’m still flying into panic attacks several times a day. I blame this chemical:


Keith says it could also be “seasonal stress” due to the double-whammy of Mom’s birthday and Mother’s Day, but I would hope, by now, I’m less crisis-level upset and more just normal-sad about that.

Ugh. I’m sick of all this up and down mood crap. I don’t have time for it and it’s making me really frustrated, agoraphobic, and manic.

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  1. PurplePrincessofPower May 5, 2005 at 7:44 pm

    Hi Bon,
    Ok, so, my panic name is, Purple Princess of Power. Pleased to meet you. By the addy provided you know who I am. (I had to re-register and used the kids email cause mine was used here and couldn’t remember my password blah blah blah)
    No, I’m not crazy (and neither are you). I’m offering this to provide you some insight to panic.
    I am agoraphobic. Agoraphobia is a fear of fear itself. It’s not a fear of open places etc. that is shit. It is about fear, a little niggle fear comes into my head when I’m driving, or better still in a board meeting..what is the fear? It can be a thought like “I’m going to jump on that boardroom table and rip all my clothes off”, then I am afraid I might do that, then my heart starts racing, then I think if I did that I would be so embarassed, then I think…etc., and so it builds. Or if I’m driving on a freeway that I am going to crash the car etc.
    I have been like that since I was 14, I’m now 44.
    I can’t imagine not being agoraphobic. I use it. It pushes me forward, it makes me accomplish more than most can in a week what I do in a day. BUT.
    I was one of the lucky ones.
    Because I didn’t search for years to try and figure out ‘what is wrong with me’, go thru drug treatments, even some people I know had shock treatments and etc.
    I found a great support group. I will never forget the day I walked into that group. I was sure I was going to meet a bunch of nuts with arms growing out of their backs. What I found were professionals (like myself), bus drivers, professors, you name it, normal people trying to deal with a weird situation.
    So whats the deal? The deal with this ‘thing’ that I own is simple, it is about control.
    It is about taking care of myself.
    It is about letting go of that control and saying to myself, what is the worst possible thing that can happen?
    The answer is never it will kill me…never.
    So, adopt the attitude of who gives a fuck if….
    the work dosen’t get done, the bathroom is dirty, the thing dosen’t get read, the this or that happens.
    Give yourself permission to slack, be a slob and not-give-a-shit. I’m here to tell you, if you don’t do this you are headed for MAJOR ‘effing trouble like you’ve never seen before.
    Trust me.
    Get a book called Freedom from Fear.
    I’m not saying you are agro, I’m saying you are dealing with panic. Deal with it effectively and it won’t eat you alive. Don’t deal with it and…it will eat you alive.
    With love.


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