I’ve mentioned before that a book I read in 1992 — How to Make It in Hollywood — made quite an impact on me, prior to my move to Los Angeles. In it, author Linda Buzzell mentions the importance of having friends outside the industry. In 2001, as a columnist for Backstage, I covered a panel discussion put on by the Talent Managers Association and heard casting director Christian Kaplan refer to these folks as “civilian friends.” I love that phrase, because it gives a tip of the hat to the battle industry players are often waging, and puts a sense of peace in the hands of those outside our ranks.
Having friends who understand that we’re engaged in something that is both very free and completely stressful, that we’re trying to balance ultimate creativity with ridiculous levels of organization, and that our entire lives are about dichotomy is incredibly valuable.
Do all civilian friends “get it”? Nah. Of course not. But those who do? You hold on to those folks!
These are the friends who may not know the difference between a casting director and a talent agent, the SAG New Media Agreement and a size card, or a commercial conflict and a call sheet, but they know you care a lot about all of it and they support you. They may roll their eyes when you stress about your headshots for the 25th time, but they still come around to cheer you on and sometimes remind you that life is bigger than a third stinkin’ voucher.
It’s easiest for civilian friends to be supportive when you’re “in the zone.” Actors who are all over the map are exhausting to support. Actors with focus, actors with confidence, actors who are on the right track are a blast to support! Civilian friends can see the future success, thanks to your buoyant energy.
A dear actor friend who recently got really clear on her top six headshots found her civilian husband couldn’t wait to help pick a favorite. Back when she had 300 to choose from and was getting bleary eyed herself, there was no way he could line up with helping out, enthusiastically.
“It was so cool, Bon,” she told me, when her hubby wanted to help out. “He was excited to help me choose!” Of course he was! She was in the zone. She wasn’t trying to get it right; she was already almost there. This is really just me, sharing a public service announcement on behalf of your civilian friends out there: Make sure you’re not exhausting them with scattered energy.
What is being in the zone like? Another actor friend shared an article with me about this exact thing (there’s a PDF of the whole article at this website). From the article by Jim Fannin:
The zone is the exact moment you perform with complete detachment from the possibility of failure. Your mind and body are fully alert and hungry for action. When in the zone, you perform with no feelings or sentiments of the past or future because you perform solely in the now. Without a thought, you concern yourself only with the task at hand. Nothing stands between you and your goal when you reach the zone.
That’s a lot like the goodies from The War of Art, which I discussed at length a few weeks ago. Ooh, being on purpose feels so dang good. Delicious, isn’t it?
When you’re not in the zone, go to power group and brainstorm with fellow actors. When you’re fully in the bliss that is your pursuit, that’s when you should connect with your civilian friends the most. (Go to power group then, too, of course. You’ll be their inspiration!) Even if your civilian friends don’t fully understand your pursuit, they’ll enjoy hearing about it more if most of the time you’re in the zone about it all. Yeah, it’s exhausting to be “on” all the time, and I’m really not recommending that. Just remember there are costs to a career in acting (and collateral damage shouldn’t be one of them).
Your friendships are made of gold. Treasure them.
Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!
Originally published by Actors Access at http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice/archives/001387.html. Please support the many wonderful resources provided by the Breakdown Services family. This posting is the author’s personal archive.