My Ego (or “How Babes McPhee Made Me Realize I’m a Lot Like Samuel L. Jackson”)

I have a healthy ego. (I also have a very fragile ego. I’m a lot like everyone else in that respect. Catch me at the right moment and I am my biggest fan. Catch me at the wrong moment and I hate myself more than anyone would ever freely admit they hate anything. Ever. I’m no different than anyone else, in that respect.)


But most of the time, I think I’m a freakin’ rockstar. I know I don’t save lives, inspire people to be their best selves, or provide shelter for the homeless, but sometimes I give good advice to actors, cast great movies, and bring a little laughter to those around me. That’s gotta be worth something. And I choose to decide it means I’m a pretty damn cool chick. I could be worse. I have been worse.


So, on Saturday, Babes McPhee mentioned something about my healthy ego. I was like, “Huh?” And she said (referring to my MySpace profile), “Hell! You list yourself as one of your HEROES!” And I stopped and said, “Well, yeah! I mean, if I don’t think I rock, how can I expect anyone else to do so?”


And then I thought about how, when listing my favorite authors, I always list myself. Why? Well, if I don’t LOVE my writing, how can I expect anyone else to do so? (And seriously, I love reading my writing. I read EVERYTHING I write. Yes, I get lots of email from actors who say they’ve read everything I’ve ever written and I always think, “Nah… you haven’t. Only I have.” But only I know how much I’ve truly written — and I’ve read it all. That makes me my biggest fan.)


So, what’s wrong with that? (Except that it’s totally not socially acceptable to SAY you love yourself.) Not a damn thing.


When I saw this article about Samuel L. Jackson, I really got it.

Of the various lies that actors tell — there are no small parts, it’s a privilege just to be nominated, working with Woody is a dream come true — there’s one that Samuel L. Jackson simply cannot abide. “Everybody thinks it’s cool to say ‘I hate watching myself onscreen,'” says Jackson. “Well, that’s b_______. We’re in a narcissistic business. Everybody likes watching themselves.” Jackson, 57, proudly sees every one of his movies in a theater with paying customers. If he’s channel surfing and spots an old performance, he puts down the remote. “Even during my theater years, I wished I could watch the plays I was in — while I was in them! I dig watching myself work.”

True, that. But here’s the great part.

If watching oneself is, as Jackson claims, all actors’ secret pleasure, Jackson distinguishes himself from his peers in two ways: he cops to vanity, and his vanity has a track record for dovetailing with popular taste.

So, here I am… “copping to vanity.” And there’s not a gawtdamn thing you can do about it. Sssssssss! (7pm, Beanery. Yo.)

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!

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  1. Erik August 16, 2006 at 11:46 pm

    Rock on like the rockstar you are!

  2. Debra August 17, 2006 at 12:20 am

    Bon, I love you almost as much as you do! And that’s a whole hell of a lot dammit!!! 😉

  3. Anna August 17, 2006 at 9:48 am

    What Sam says is great, but then the author goes on to call that trait “vanity,” hence the social stigma that liking yourself is a sin. Dirty, dirty sinners.
    Amen to being your own hero, Sweets.

  4. Ed R August 17, 2006 at 12:42 pm

    THat Babes- such a troublemaker;)

  5. Susan Jones August 17, 2006 at 12:58 pm

    I’m an ego-feeder from wayyyyy back, so here is a wee something for your appetite:
    ‘Bon Cop, Bad Cop’ turns culture clash into comedy News Staff
    The Quebec-made film Bon Cop Bad Cop, already tearing up box office records in the province, will bring its bilingual mix of action and comedy to theatres across Canada on Friday.
    It uses a standard Hollywood premise of two opposite-tempered cops teaming up to fight crime, but with a Canadian twist: the chaotic cop is French-Canadian, while his straitlaced partner is from Ontario.

  6. Babes August 17, 2006 at 3:52 pm

    Am I late to my party, or what??
    Samuel L. Jackson rocks. You rock. I rock.
    I’ve even gotten to the point where I love hearing people mess up my lines. Because I’m like, fuck those are MY LINES they are speaking aloud TO mess up! Like, I know they’re messing them up. I know the line is great (and also, when it’s not THEM messing up the line…)
    And freaking, when my shit is funny I just laugh and laugh and laugh. People act sometimes like it’s really “vain” to like, collapse and hit the tables with my fists laughing at my own stuff and I’m like HELLO…if it didn’t make ME laugh then why the hell would I have written it down?

  7. Aleta August 17, 2006 at 7:00 pm

    I think people who contribute in so many positive ways should feel good about themselves and what they do. Glad you liked the article.

  8. Lori August 17, 2006 at 8:18 pm

    Good for you! I’m sure we’ve all heard this before, but isn’t it true than it’s only women who are encouraged to be humble; men are expected to love/promote/be proud of themselves and when they don’t, they’re considered weak or insecure.
    I’d admit to being my own biggest fan, too, but my mom gives me a run for my money.

  9. NiNi August 31, 2006 at 12:20 pm

    Hey, my own band is one of my favorite bands! So…. yeah, it’s GOOD to truly BELIEVE in yourself and what you’re doing with your life… through better and through worse, we SHOULD be our biggest fans!


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