Dear Bonnie,

I’ve scoured the shelves at Sam French looking for answers (and made them order your Self-Management book, as they were out), and there is so much advice out there that I just don’t know where to start.

I absolutely have been and want to continue to invest in my business, but I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place and I don’t know what the next move is. How do I choose it??

Okay, phew! There’s a lot in your email. The first thing I want to address is something that has been very important to me, when I’ve spiraled out of control (in any area of my life) and need to get back on track. First, you have to stop the car from heading into the ditch before figuring out how to put it in reverse. So, to apply the brakes on all the negative self-talk and doses of hater-ade you’re giving yourself, start by reading When To Pack It In And Go Home.

I get the sense that you already know you’re not ready to quit, but that you even head in that direction — mentally or emotionally — means you have to sometimes stop and ask the questions (and realize how many come back answered “not ready to quit”) in order to stop the hemorrhaging.

Next, sounds like a good ol’ fashioned case of fear of success may be gripping you. That’s not uncommon. One of the first things I used to do when on the edge of a pretty significant tier jump was go looking for hate. Anything that would prove I didn’t deserve the success I was having was fair game. And if I couldn’t come up with it in my own heart, I’d reach out to a non-approving member of my family or go searching out haters on the Internet, to make me certain that darkest voice inside myself was right: “You’re not worthy.”

So, I’ll tell you the same thing friends told me (and to which I finally, at nearly 41, started listening): “Stop that.” The hater within doesn’t deserve audience any more than the haters outside deserve. Sure, they exist. Thank them for existing. But don’t sit down to tea with them. Especially not the one that lives inside of you. You’re getting these amazing opportunities because you’ve been doing good work, consistently. Keep at it. You’re in the middle of the marathon. Don’t stop now, just because a hill feels steep or your legs are getting tired. And don’t think you’re not making progress, just because you’re not closing the deal as often as you’d like.

Now, about the prioritizing of it all, when there is just so much you could be doing for your career, but only so much you can afford to do. This is a huge topic (and one we’ve actually started breaking down in my class). Option Overload affects a lot of creative people, and it’s even tougher to know which pots to keep on the stove when you can only afford to have one or two. You worry that — if you pick incorrectly — you could lose momentum and find yourself farther behind than if you had chosen to tend to the other pot on the stove. Problem is — to shift analogies — you can’t walk two roads at once, so you can never know what the results of having chosen the other path might have yielded.

Since that’s terrifying to so many folks, many creatives choose NOTHING — because inaction feels better, somehow, than picking something on which to focus. I’m telling you now, you must pick something. Choosing nothing means you’re guaranteed to flounder. And since we know you don’t want that, I suggest you prioritize the good ol’ fashioned way: Make a list.

Start with what you most want to do. I mean, the “money is no object and I cannot possibly fail, therefore I choose this” items. List ’em all up. Then get to the stuff you think you might need to be doing for your career (because you’ve seen or heard about other actors doing these things) but that doesn’t really ring your bells, personally. Next, put a dollar sign next to each item based on how much it costs, relatively. Affordable? Give it one dollar sign. Really expensive? Give it five. Free? A big ol’ smiley face! In another column, note which category of your career this thing might most benefit (networking with producers, creating representation relationships, getting in front of casting directors on your target shows, connecting with peers, creating your own work, doing theatre, learning a new special skill, sharpening your existing level of craft).

The goal will be to find the item — when ranked by “money is no object, I choose this” — that is highest on that list but that you can also afford to do. If that means you have to pick your third favorite thing, because it’s affordable, so be it. But the point is to pick something. Just doing something will make you feel better. No, it may not be “the perfect thing.” It may not be what anyone else would choose as “the best thing.” It may not even get you as far as something else on your list might (you can never know — nor is it relevant what is working for others or what would work if you had chosen it instead, because as I’ve said from my very earliest columns, you could have identical twins pursuing careers in this industry and their experiences would not be identical. It’s just not possible). But it’s you, doing something to move your career forward. To stay on the road, instead of in a ditch.

So, you asked for a formula. There’s not one. Or at least not one that is outside of what I’ve written in my books, or here every week for over seven years, or for over three years at Backstage before that, or that I talk about on THE WORK each week, or that I discuss every time I’m surrounded by creatives wanting to know what works. There’s no magic pill. There’s no easy recipe. If there were a formula, I’d have written that one-liner and sold it like McDonald’s french-fries, and I’d be writing this column to you from my sofa made of money.

The best next step — after you’ve stopped sliding into the ditch — is the step in the direction OUT of the ditch. And after that, it’s a step along the road to your dream life… which is a path you’ll only know is the right one once you’re on it. I’d love to offer you something more concrete, but pretty much everything more concrete I’ve ever written on the topic of “how to make it” is right here in The Actors Voice archives.

Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the days that go sooo well. Don’t sit down to tea with the hater inside. And take the next right step. Don’t look outside yourself for what is “right.” Yes, you could pay a career consultant to tell you — and many actors do — but they’re always just shining a light on what you’re already bringing to them about what you know you should do next. When you have the money, that kind of comfort can be helpful, of course. But building a strategy for deciding what feels right to you will serve you well forever. When you can afford to meet with someone who helps with artist prosperity — like Miata Edoga, for example — I recommend doing so. You may be able to afford more than you think you can, just by getting your head in a better space with regard to your finances.

With all that said, please know that I am wishing you all the success in the world! Congrats on reaching a new tier. You do realize that’s what this is, right?

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!

Originally published by Actors Access at http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice/archives/001350.html. Please support the many wonderful resources provided by the Breakdown Services family. This posting is the author’s personal archive.