It’s All About Your HOW

I was recently watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory and I couldn’t tell you which one, exactly, because it was probably four episodes, run back-to-back, in syndication. Yay, those actors and that money! Anyway, during one (or all) of the episodes I watched, I said, “Hey, that’s the Mr. Heckles Dies episode from Friends,” and then I said, “Hey, that’s the Ross Goes to Rachel’s Fashion Talk episode from Friends,” and then I said, “Hey, that’s the All Connections are Missed on a Really Important Day episode from Friends,” and probably about a dozen more examples from Seinfeld and Modern Family and even Beverly Hills, 90210.

Essentially, there are a handful of stories to tell. It’s not the uniqueness of the stories that gets storytelling happening at a hugely financially beneficial level in this industry; it’s HOW those stories are told. Maybe we’re not into the characters — even though they’re brewed from the same basic prototype — from one show, but we connect with another set of characters on another show somehow. Basically, we’re never hired for WHAT we do; we’re hired for HOW we do it.

This is pretty much why I’m so into celebrating others’ successes. You’ve heard me say this before: “Anytime I see someone else succeed, I am happy, for it means I live in a world where success is possible.”

The way that works — especially when folks out there love to say that it’s human nature to see someone “make it” and feel the pang of envy that it’s NOT YOU — is that it helps build the muscle for celebrating ALL successes. That, energetically, brings together more for you. If you tell the universe that people who are successful deserve hate, envy, criticism… you also tell the universe, “Don’t give me any of that!” because why would you want something that turns you into someone you detest?

When you focus not on what it is that anyone else has (except to celebrate everyone who teaches you that success is possible, in life) but instead on what you do, who you are, how you do what you do, and the delight that it is to tell the stories you get to tell, it’s all just way more fun.

And it makes your work that much more delightful for everyone to consume. Share your toys. No one is going to get ahead faster because you’ve helped them understand how to target casting offices or representation. You’re not going to get ahead faster by hoarding your goodies.

Everything I teach, I share here and in my podcast each week for free. Does that mean I have no coaching clients, because I give it all away? Absolutely not. Because I can put it allllll out there for anyone to use in their DIY pursuit, and in the end it’s my HOW that makes the difference at the next tier.

Same for you. There’s something in the way you break down a scene. There’s something in the way you network. There’s something in the way you present your marketing materials. Your HOW is what makes your version of the exact same stuff totally unique. Trust that. Celebrate that. And celebrate it in others as well. Everyone’s unique HOW is what makes this world such a wonderful place. Be you. Do you. Love you. Hooray!

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!

Originally published by Actors Access at Please support the many wonderful resources provided by the Breakdown Services family. This posting is the author’s personal archive.

(Visited 30 times, 1 visits today)

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.