Okay, so I’m watching a rerun of “Friends.” It’s the one with Susan Sarandon and she’s some hoity-toity soap star teaching Joey how to take over her role on “Days of Our Lives” — which is, of course, not shot in New York, where “Friends” is set, but that’s okay, since “Friends” is also not shot in New York. Whatever. That’s not what this is about.
So, this soap character is famous for two things: slapping her costars and throwing drinks in their faces.
Now, I’ve seen “Friends” enough to know that these characters drink coffee. Lots and lots of coffee — and usually only when they’re at Central Perk. In this particular episode, the gang has inexplicably switched to water — and everyone has a nice tall glass of it while hanging out at Joey’s apartment.
Guess why.
Yup. Susan Sarandon is going to be there after sleeping with Joey (yeah, whatever) one afternoon and every single person in the room will have a glass of water ready for Susan’s hydro-tossing needs.
Oh, wait. There was one other episode in which the gang imbibed delicious New York city water: the one with Brook Shields as Joey’s love interest. See, she’d seen him on “Days of Our Lives” and started stalking him. Good thing she was gorgeous. They had some sex (yeah, whatever) and when he broke it off with her, sure enough, the entire gang was assembled in his apartment, swilling the clear stuff, just waiting for the opportunity to soak him for sport.
I have no problem with water-drinking or even water-tossing, for that matter. Here’s my thing: of course your character is going to get wet. See all that water? Joey, I know you’re an idiot, but you could see that coming, right? I mean, there’s never ever ever ever ever water unless you’re gonna be wearing it.
I hope he understands this.
Whenever I see reruns of “NewsRadio” I want coffee. I don’t drink coffee, but these folks rely on it so heavily that I find myself craving the stuff — which, by the way, was found by Berkeley researchers to contain more carcinogens than a cigarette… ew — and I don’t even own a coffee maker.
When I used to smoke, watching “Reality Bites” made me want to chain smoke. Watching “Chocolat” made me want to binge on chocolate. “Pulp Fiction” made me want to, well… you see where this is going.
It’s a good thing I don’t have cable. I understand there’s a lot of sex there.