So, one of the things I notice is that creatives tend to be REALLY hard on themselves.
(Yes, I'm leaving myself out of this by using the word "themselves" instead of "ourselves" even though I am most definitely a creative because, well, being hard on myself is something I gave up a few years ago. HIGHLY recommended. Have you *seen* my trajectory recently? Dude. Freeing yourself of the self-hate machine is ridiculously effective when it comes to turbocharging your goals and dreams.)
Anyway, we're not talking about me; we're talking about creatives in general and the issue of failure.
I'd love a little reframing.
And here's what I'm thinking.
We tend to think if we're not making gargantuan strides toward a goal, we're failing.
This ties in with last week's two lists of the types of goals we have for ourselves, of course.
What ends up happening is, we don't make gargantuan strides so instead of for a moment considering that incremental progress HAS happened and we ARE getting somewhere, we decide we've FAILED.
And thus begins the spiral of beating ourselves up for getting nowhere, followed by slipping back from any momentum we *had* made (but not noticed, since it wasn't epic in measurement), then beating ourselves up further for having slipped, followed by beating ourselves up some more for having beaten ourselves up because… OMG…
Do you SEE the wrong direction this spins us out into?
(And have you noticed I myself have slipped into the WE here after having distanced myself from the subject matter at the beginning of this post? Damn… that spiral has a really strong gravitational pull. It even got me in it, just thinking about how much time I spent there, years ago.)
Welp, here's where I say we fix this (or at least lean into a fix for it, over time): Start giving ourselves credit for the good we're doing.
Like, disproportionately.
Studies show that we tend to interpret any criticism as objective and any praise as subjective. That means even if ten people are telling us we're awesome, we won't hear that over the one person telling us we're not (even when that one person is ourselves, dealing in some stinkin' thinkin'). Because we believe the "you're awesome" talk is highly opinionated, conditional, dependent upon way too many factors to be universally applied… while the "you suck" talk is flat-out FACT.
So, to counterbalance this lifetime of inequity, it's time to seriously throw ourselves freakin' ticker-tape parades for taking the trash out before it's overflowing.
I'm not kidding. Buy some gold-star stickers and a posterboard and every time you do ANYTHING right, give yourself a reward! Do it 'til it feels *ridiculous* and you giggle as you do it.
By doing this, you can begin to shift back to a middleground that's more KIND to subject yourself to as a starting point.
Then "failure" gets ONE gold star blacked out… not the whole posterboard ripped from the wall and torn to shreds.
Won't THAT be nice for a change?
Do me a favor and start seeing ANY progress — any movement in the right direction — as celebration-worthy (this is one of the reasons "Book the Room" is so important, y'all).
As Steven Tomlinson says, "Don't let the big that you aspire to, be a barrier to the small that's going to get you there." (Please excuse the totally grammatically incorrectly placed comma; it's there so you HEAR the saying right, rather than reading "to be" as an infinitive. I couldn't just put that quote out there in the world without justifying the punctuation. #SoOnBrand)
Hey Bons?
[INACTIVE TIMER HERE]
What's with the countdown? Oh… so glad you asked! That's the countdown for summer session enrollment in our life-changing 100-day challenge program, Get in Gear for the Next Tier! Woo hoo!
Click here to watch the info vid. Click here to start your journey today. If not NOW but if you want in at inaugural pricing, keep an eye on that countdown! You won't want to miss getting in at the lowest price we'll ever offer!
Yep. Ever.
If you have questions, ooh, actually you can come ask 'em today during the Facebook Live broadcast I'll be doing at 2:30pm PDT on The Myth of Competition. If you've ever felt as though you're COMPETING for a role, a spot on an agency roster, or the life of your dreams, I hope you'll pop in and jam with me about some really great reframing on this!
Quick reminder that our FREE quarterly SMFA Tune-Up call is Tuesday (mah birfday… here's a peek at my "last days of 46" moment a few hours ago) and you'll get email about how to join in on the awesomely awesome free call FUN if you've preregistered here. If you want in on our August LA SMFA Retreat, snatch your spot before we fill up!
Finally, oh wow, the amazing things that happen when you connect with cool people around the world! A few months back I was interviewed for the Women of Strength podcast and my lovely New Zealand-based host, Ange Wilcock, has published the episode! Woo hoo! While it's aimed at women (duh) and it's about living your life from a place of strength and "enough-ness" (something about which I'm pretty freakin' passionate), I think you'll get a lot out of it, should you wish to check it out. It's available at Soundcloud and at iTunes. Thanks for sharing! #BigOl5
All right, lovelies, I'll see you out there on the hustle. Make sure it's aligned… and then get your behind AT IT. The world needs you and your storytelling genius. So stop "failing" at being your best self. Lemmeknow how I can help!
*smooch*
Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!