I watch this show and I see my colleagues being interviewed, some in shadows and with digitized voices, about their experiences in casting and producing reality TV. I never thought of these people as my colleagues until today. I knew I knew them from work (when I work my day job, doing risk management for casting of AFRS*), but suddenly, today, I realized I’m one of them.

Today, I was on the phone with a poor gal from wherever, convincing her there is *no* twist to this show other than the one she already knows about, “because why would we have another twist when this one is already so good?” I hear myself saying the things on the phone that I’ve been trained to say. I recall my confidentiality and non-disclosure agreement, which calls for something like a $6M fine for letting out any of the trade secrets about this show or its twist(s), and I continue to feel my nose growing like Pinocchio’s as my co-workers gather ’round to hear me do what I do so well: convince someone they are special when they are really only a pawn for some network muckity-muck’s greed-induced goals and dreams.

Hell, I guess that does make them special, doesn’t it? And what does that make me?

My co-workers and I, when I hang up the phone, almost say in unison, “[I’m] going to Hell.” Yes, there is one co-worker swearing up and down we won’t… we’re only doing our jobs. Then I look at my paycheck and wonder what my soul is worth. And then I’m treated badly by my bosses and wonder further what the heck I’m buying into here… and then remember that my bosses’ alliance nets them major buckage per week and that will always be a stronger alliance than the one I provide. I can be replaced. And by someone cheaper and with less of a conscience.

Y’know what? I don’t care. My production, whatever that may be, is so much more valuable than any of this shit. There’s a heart and soul in here that doesn’t get bought by some network paycheck. I’m done.

* = another fucking reality show

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!