My phenomenal team and I were having a convo recently about a client who is using her life as an excuse not to show up to do the work of improving her life.
We’ve all done it.
We have a series of habits and beliefs. The repeated behaviors that go along with those habits and beliefs become our identity. Our identity becomes a set of habits that reinforce that identity at every turn, and at some point, we’re living the life we have momentum for, rather than living the life we actually WANT to live.
Right now in my business I’m in the unique position to — for the first time EVER — follow a business model of doing whatever the fuck I want every day. Yes, that is actually what I am calling my business model because doing whatever the fuck I want right now is allowing me to get CRYSTAL CLEAR on where I have had certain things set up in my business and in my life that have become default settings for how I live… but they do NOTHING to contribute to the life I actually WANT to live.
And right now, my work is all about making daily choices — in the micro and, ultimately, in the macro — that align with how I want to feel. The values I want to exude. The leadership I want to show. The work I want to do #CreatingTheHollywoodWeWant at every freakin’ turn. Dismantling racism. Championing the work of those who’ve previously struggled to get the spotlight. Leading leaders as they claim true north lives from a place of unapologetic, unfuckwithable enoughness.
So, today’s post is just a simple question — and I’d love for you to share your answer below: Are you living the life you want to live?
What that means in the micro is: Are you making choices that align you with the trajectory that *is* your true north, next-tier self? Even as you slog through the daily things that may feel like crap from time to time, are you specifically and purposefully taking little small actions that are steps in the right direction for you to intersect with future you?
If you’re sure that someday you’ll be holding up something gold and shiny (and thanking me, of course), are you improving your craft and updating your show bible and building your brand on the daily?
If you’re certain that a future as a world-class athlete is a part of your life, are you working out, eating to fuel your miraculous machine of a body, and recovering through self-care that’s also world-class?
If you know that future you will be a phenomenal parent, are you studying up on how to BE that phenomenal parent — not just hoping to do better than your parents did but to specifically give your kiddos mental and emotional advantages?
They say the definition of Hell is that you meet the person you could’ve been. What are you doing *today* to be sure you never wonder “What if?” about who you COULD be?
Share with me! I want to know how — via even the tiniest little actions you’re weaving into your life — you’re investing in future you so that you’re not, by default, only reinforcing whom you’ve always been. What’s the work you’re doing every day to EVOLVE that person into a far more stellar one who can change the freakin’ world?
Comments are open just below! Let’s hear it! And let’s inspire one another with what we CHOOSE to do to get where we want to go.
The deadline to apply to join us for the September mastermind of Expansive Capacity is Wednesday the 26th! We’re doing another round of “Your Relationship with Manifesting” because the momentum is so freakin’ strong with this one. Start the process here, alumni. Excited to jam with you in this whole new way!
All my love,
Enoughness is an inside job… and sometimes you need a guide to find your way there. Let Bonnie Gillespie get you started.
‘They say the definition of Hell is that you meet the person you could’ve been. What are you doing *today* to be sure you never wonder “What if?” about who you COULD be?’
Unfortunately, due to life events and/or mental health circumstances, some of us are plagued/haunted by the presence in our minds of the person we SHOULD have been. Having failed to become them, the temptation is to sit in despair in the dark and never move again. We say “What’s the point?” But this is to underestimate the impact of what tiny choices and changes COULD make…. even now!
I will never be a thirty year old Herculean Oscar winner, with a husband and kids, but there are all sorts of future Jamies who may just be happier. And infinite number who are doing better than the heartbroken, despairing troglodyte.
So what am I doing today?
NOT giving in to despair.
NOT writing a sad ending when I’m only still halfway through the book of my life.
NOT wallowing in inaction.
Exercising empathy and thankfulness.
Researching my industry.
Focusing on positives.
Doing my personal admin.
Connecting with friends.
Looking for side hustles.
Investing in my friendships.
Deciding to laugh at absurdities.
Appreciating my pets.
Developing my voice over skills and learning.
Reading for pleasure.
Standing up for my values, including doing the work of anti-racism (trying not to get bitter with racists, but UGGHH that’s hard).
Showing a little Love.
Holding on to Hope.
What a beautiful list! Those are all spectacular things to be doing — things you CAN control (and don’t I know it on the sheer will it takes to face down racists and still stay positive) — so there’s no stewing in regret or resentment. Tiny, daily steps that get us incrementally closer to our best selves. YES!! Well done!
No I’m not living the life I want to live.
I feel sad writing that because I am a very optimistic person. I believe we will always have enough, plenty in fact and we always have. But plenty and getting by is not the same as abundance and freedom.
I came to acting in my late 40s after my successful design business fell foul of the financial crisis. I got involved in a community project at my local theatre and was asked to act – I said no but the director charmed me into giving it a go. The rest is history – at first I aced auditions with raw energy and ignorance. Then things tailed off and then Covid happened. I didn’t go to drama school, I don’t have a network of buddies in the industry, I feel rather isolated and disconnected from the acting world. I wrote a couple of scripts but they have been met with ‘err you’ve printed this on the wrong weight of paper so I don’t understand it’ or ‘err I can’t read it because the margins aren’t quite the right width’ (you get my meaning, I’m sure).
Just writing this I can hear myself complaining and it’s not me and I want to energise my career again. Have done the 12 day challenge but ran out of steam at the end of it. Blah blah blah – shoot me. 😂💪🏻✌️
So, you know you’re your own worst enemy with this, of course. 😉 I appreciate the humor in your words. Running out of steam for a free 11-day email challenge isn’t the end of the world… but it certainly is an indication that muscle building for the long haul of a creative career is a priority. Because it’s a challenge of WAY more than 11 days just to be booked on a feature film at this point!
The best news in everything you’ve shared is that COVID happened to *all of us* in that there’s no one who suddenly got farther left behind in showbiz (or any business) than anyone else, at least not because of the pandemic or quarantine. EVERY day, there are so so so many buyers doing Zooms and panel discussions and offering feedback and doing things they previously never had the space or time for. So, the feelings of isolation and disconnection are a result of your not CHOOSING to connect — as simply as following a few hashtags! 🙂
Here’s to finding a few tiny little daily things you can start doing to get yourself in a better-feeling place! That’s the start. From there, keep doing that incremental work to stay out of your own way as much as you can. Woo HOO! You’ve got this!
Ah, Bonnie does it again, as usual! I actually think I woke up this morning and said “Hmm…I want more from my life”, with the subtitle ” I am not living the life I want”. And on the other hand, I keep trying to stick to Sheryl Crow’s words “It’s not having what you want but wanting what you’ve got”- or something like that.
Clarity is also something that has been coming up for me lately, in connection to all the work I have been doing with SMFA and the JFDI class. This thought path that you are talking about, Bonnie, has proved to be very helpful for me: I want a great looking body, ok well then, am I working out? Am I eating properly? Actually, if I follow this path it’s kinda easy…sometimes.
A huge reminder from this post is also to keep making small steps towards what you want. Update the show bible, check out an agent’s insta, work out for 20 min, read a monologue out loud, anything…every little thing brings me one step closer to the goals. I just get sidetracked sometimes because I want to do a “BIG” step and, since I don’t have time for that…I don’t do anything.
Thank you, Bonnie!
THAT!! That’s it exactly, Raluca, so thank YOU! It is sooooooo easy to talk ourselves out of doing anything when we try to convince ourselves to do something big. If instead we would gently allow a *little* thing… OMG the momentum that eventually comes from that. Yes, yes, yes.
I’m so glad you needed this today. Apparently, that’s why I wrote it! 🙂 You’re awesome.
Thank you, Bonnie! It always just “seems to happen” that you read my mind . It’s not the first time that I wake up with a certain phrase in mind and then see it in your post.
Yes! Totally living the life I WANT to live!!! Super duper challenges here for me in GermanLand finding like-minded Actors so created my *OWN GROUP* and launched it at (Minus) 80% to keep ourselves aligned in creating what WE want (and most certainly not what is dictated by the community here – which in itself is another challenge), Reached out to Acting coaches, voice teachers locally who are currently unemployed and needed a platform to share their services, self-taping auditions at home and having my Agent comment about my self-tape skills and set-up….#WIN! But my most favorite thing is not giving into my fear of not speaking fluent German and taking on *THOSE* auditions at 💯!!! PS: long time no see Bonnie but loving and vibing you always from afar ♋️
Girl!! Seems the Raluca magic isn’t the only magic in this thread. I actually was on your Instagram, looking at your amazing (new) life and thinking back on not just the time we shared in Berlin 2 years ago but of course all the showcase time 4 years ago (goodness!!) and thinking about how much I love you. 🙂 PERFECT growth with that launch, lady! I am soooooooo glad you didn’t let your German muscle slow you down (and of course it’s getting stronger and stronger every damn day). Love you!
Julia, I am in Germany as well! Would love to connect! Ralucaurea@gmail.com
Oof. This one hit in ALL the right places. I’ve been struggling a lot with not falling into “coulda woulda shoulda” lately, especially with everything going on and feeling like my life has been on pause and now almost “forgetting” how to socialize, etc.
So what am I doing?
Getting my brand aligned with me not what I think the industry wants me to be.
Setting clear boundaries around my day job and how much time and energy I’m willing to put in.
Trusting (working on this!) that money will come if I leave room for it to appear.
Telling the universe I am READY TO MOVE AND SELL MY APARTMENT!!
Love your list! Keep building that trust muscle, Alexandra. You may like this read to support you in this: https://bonniegillespie.com/money-is-on-its-way-to-you-right-now
I’m surviving right now. My thrival job has been all-encompassing mentally. I’m entering the world of expensive MRIs and possible surgery. I just had half a tooth break off (wtf, 2020???). So this has been a really great calling back to the things I can do with my time – to the choices I can make while I’m trying to bridge the bottom two tiers of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I can’t allow my anxiety to do all the speaking for me.
I started meditation practice again today. I’m reminding myself that Ultimate!Beth makes this part of her every day. That I can choose social media and I can choose not social media. That I can make small steps forward in my GiG work and that they mean good, small growing, even if I’m wiped by the end of the day.
I really want to leap for the big things, but I can’t do it without the small things. Thanks for this post, Bon. I needed it (along with the one a few weeks back about “How do you want to feel? – that shook me in a good way). Lots of self-hugs and gratitude.
Love this, Beth. Keep taking baby steps. ❤