I know, this is already weird right out the gate with that subject line.

I'm not usually one to focus on heartbreak or sadness or the pain of being a creative.

But I *am* a solution-oriented mo' fo' and that means I love tackling a problem if for no reason other than wrestling one of those critters to the ground armed with a solution or ten feels GREAT to me.

So.

I wanna take a look at the first time your creative career broke your heart.

The first time you realized performing wasn't just about getting to play make-believe or dress-up but instead something for which ONE person was chosen and many, many, many more were "rejected."

The first time you really had your heart set on a role — it was *yours* and you went to bed knowing that was true — and then you didn't get it. And you still don't know why to this day.

The first time you got dropped by an agent. The first time you heard feedback that made your ego curl up in the fetal position. The first time you said, "That's it. I'm out!"

You may be saying, "Ugh! Bons! I can remember three thousand times these things have happened! Why are you DOING this to me? What's the POINT?!?"

The point is, we wanna look at the first time any of this stuff happened.

When you really felt the reality of what this business entails. When it *clicked* that you were gonna be spending more time working on the pursuit of acting than at the actual acting part of it all. When you discovered that it's not about talent or passion or fairness or wanting it the most…

and you decided to keep at it anyway.

The very first time your heart cracked a bit due to the realities of pursuing a creative career, you didn't — not even for a hot second — consider NOT going for it.

You're still in this. You're still at this. You're more acutely aware than ever that it takes a lot of love for this business and a lot of patience for all its wonkiness… but you're IN. You're ALL IN.

Except…

there's this little place that broke a bit, deep inside your heart long ago. And every now and then that little place asks you, "Are you sure about this?"

And this is why I want to examine that first time.

Because if that tiny little, "Are you sure about this?" question coming from within ever rattles you TODAY — all this time *after* the crack that caused it was created — then soothing that space in your heart can cause less of that second-guessing, less of that "Are you sure?"-ing, less of that anything-other-than-100%-certain-this-is-exactly-RIGHT sensation running through you at all times.

So here's the work I'd like you to try, gorgeous, if you're game:

Identify that first heartbreak and get really specific about how it felt. If you can remember what you were wearing, any smells or sounds that surrounded you, who was with you, the way it felt in every sense, all the better! Break out your journal (writing out all this goodness by hand will be far more effective than typing it up), explore the experience in great detail, and then ask yourself what you TODAY could tell that younger version of you about what that experience was really all about.

Keep writing as you explain the intricacies of this business to that younger, less-experienced version of yourself. Comfort wee you about the whole thing, the people involved, the realities of choosing a creative career… and tell that heartbroken younger you how strong this business has made you, how you're even more talented than you ever dreamed you might be, and how you understand so much more about where you're headed and how to get there.

Thank that young, first-time-heartbroken version of yourself for having kept space for this concern that was created all that time ago, but explain that you don't need that space held anymore. That no second guessing is required ever again, because you are IN this, for GOOD, and you don't need to seek anyone else's validation to confirm that truth.

You know it.

Write about how that feels.

Share your process with us in the SMFA ninjas Facebook group if you'd like!

But most importantly, release that "thing" that has been trying to help protect you by creeping in with that tiny, "Are you sure about this?" question now and then.

You're sure. You're sure or you wouldn't be here.

That "Are you sure about this?" question offers you no protection anymore. (You don't need any.)

I cannot wait to hear what this bit of journalling reveals for you!

Keep an eye out for your Friday BonBlast please! And don't delay in reading it. We've got some exciting new stuff we're finally ready to reveal, all designed to bring more badassery to your creative pursuit, of course! 🙂

Oh, and welcome to our newest rockstars of Get in Gear for the Next Tier! We're so excited to jam with you these 100 days and beyond! Members of The SMFA Vault: Don't miss my latest additions — one in the MONEY section and one juicy bit of goodness in the RELATIONSHIPS category.

Finally, huge thanks for your help recently as we've been surveying you on what you most crave when it comes to the support we can provide along your journey. So very awesome to get your brainstorming badassery in the mix! 🙂

Man, this is fun! Love sharing so much with you as we walk along this path together!

Thank you and much love flowing your way now and always,

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!