Today was interesting.
I got up at 5:45am to attend a millionaire mastermind (this is a mastermind the epic Rachel Rodgers hosts monthly for her members who are knockin’ on a million but can’t seem to get the million to answer the door).
I ate my high-protein breakfast while watching the sun rise and taking notes in my journal (stuff like “If you trusted yourself completely, what would you do?” and “Be willing to let people be wrong about you,” and “Every level comes with first-fucking-time fears”). And on a break, I posted in my InstaStories a couple of photos of Rachel and her team, along with another of the brilliant quotes: “Disappoint more people.”
Obviously, mindset is key, no matter what block we’re facing, at what level, at what time. It’s the first chapter in Self-Management for Actors. It’s the basis of our Enoughness Journey here. It’s the foundation of money-breakthrough work. All of it. Mindset. It matters, it matters, it matters.
I had just posted the “Disappoint more people” directive in my Stories and then checked the mentions section of Instagram.
Someone who has mansplained to me before (he’s not the only one, and of course non-males are capable of being dicks on the internet as well) asked me, essentially, if my post was indeed about having bought a new car as a teenager. (Technically, it’s the story of my 31-year-old roadster, for which I saved up all my bartending money to make the down payment, and which I still love to drive to this day.)
In response to him, I used this 🙄 emoji, which must be way more offensive than I thought it was, because then he posted that he has unfollowed me on “all of social media” and that he would be burning his copy of my book.
Um.
Okay.
I guess… thanks for the twenty bucks? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
A short while later, I hosted my own mastermind for the brilliant and creative business owners who are learning how to launch thanks to my 5-step method (you can see it in action for free, here) and the topic of haters came up. What lovely timing!
Specifically, a woman who is crushing it with her consistency in churning out content for her perfect buyers is beginning to see (in addition to SALES) a side-effect of that visibility: haters. Strangers, randos, whackadoodles on the internet coming at her, personally, over something that really isn’t about her at all.
(Hint: It’s almost always their emotions over a bajilliondy other things in the world and not knowing where to put that energy. And there’s a LOT of misplaced rage in the world always, but especially now.)
I laid down a truth so true I had to take it on a tour of truth from your inbox via BonBlast to my blog: Once you’re talented in front of others, crazy knows where you live.
You cannot escape the swipes of others — that often have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU — once you live a visible life. And a visible life means you live. In the world. And have a voice. And use it. Ever.
It just happens to be more jarring and more publicly out there when you’ve chosen to bring your talents out into the world.
Do I get into it with some rando who got his feelings hurt over an emoji or who *actually* thinks a post about how I still to this day drive the one and only new car I ever bought — 31 years ago — is a post about white privilege? Do I try and teach Reading Comprehension for Instagram to make sure he understood the caption (clearly, he didn’t read the whole thing)? Biggest question of all: Do I let his actions (whether he ends up burning the book he bought or not) CHANGE ME? Change how I show up in the world? Make me edit my enoughness?
Of course, the answer to all of those questions is NO.
Absolutely, take in feedback from those who have in their hearts your best interest, your growth, your badassery and the desire to get you as far as you can possibly go in the world. Absolutely, take direction from those in roles to help guide you, even sometimes with tough love.
But whatever you do, do not let the online temper tantrum of someone you’ve never met cause you to doubt yourself, change your drive to share your talents with the world, or make you rethink the VALUE in what it is you have to share.
How do you handle haters? Comments are open below! I’d love to hear from you. Because even if you don’t have ’em yet, you WILL. Because being confidently talented in front of others is a magnet for EVERYONE… including those who are afraid to let their talent shine as brightly as you do. And their energy has to go somewhere.
Keep shining, y’all. Check out my free business training here.
You’ve got this!
Enoughness is an inside job… and sometimes you need a guide to find your way there. Let Bonnie Gillespie get you started.
“Haters gotta hate” – This is an unfortunate truth.
When I get these I usually ignore them, I don’t believe in wasting my time and energy on trolls.
Thanks for sharing all you do.
Right on!
He burned your book? That’s like burning an entire encyclopedia on Self-Management….talk about cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face. DOH 😜
Right!? 🤣
If it is indeed a hater and I’ve nothing wrong, I’ll pray for them, sometimes I just delete. If there is nothing with which to engage, I choose not to engage.
Good call, Sean!
Geeze. As a black woman, even in post Obama era, there’s never not a day of unwarranted ignorance thrown in ones path. “Ain’t nobody got time for that”. Those with privilege should sit down with someone like me and let me explain how to keep it moving. Haters ain’t got nothing on me.
Love this! You are a force to be reckoned with. <3
Thank you!!! This Bon Blast was perfect and came at the perfect time. Since having my 2 kids, I got a job teaching chemistry to pay the bills, while still keeping one foot in the acting game for when I got tenure (which I just did!). Many of my students have historically been marginalized and struggle with confidence. I am sharing your wise words with them day one on Monday. I am also using this with my own 2 kids. (My son is incredibly sensitive.) Love this. Thank you!!!
Congratulations on the tenure! And thank you for sharing this with your students and children. <3
How wonderful, Katharine. Especially with those sensitive kiddos, perspective shifts can do so much. 🙂
“Thanks for your opinion” and my inside my head voice “ good luck G-d bless, im sorry you’re in pain and all but you’re Being an asshole,fuck off” And while I think that I smile broadly and also think “ happiness and success are the best revenge…..” No matter what sweetness the other person is fed they’ll only taste bitterness. How sad.
Great take, David!
I just take phakomol as needed. It does the trick.
LOL LOL
Dear Bonnie,
I agree with your post about disability and the haters. So sad!
But the important thing is………..
May we see the 31 year old car?
Hiya Steve! If you click on the link connected to the words “my post” above, it’ll take you to Bon’s Instagram where you can see the Mighty TicTac. 🙂
Darn, Not “disability” Visibility! Darn Spell check and fingers too fast!
All good. We gotchoo!
WOW!!!
Bonnie, I’m guessing this person has never taken the time to read your content or get to know you, because the fact he accused you of flaunting white privilege is shockingly unbelievable, and quite frankly it angers me a little because if there’s ANYONE who does all she can to understand other people, it’s you!!! You are amazing…one of the kindest, most hard working, strongest women I know! Such a beautiful soul! Not to mention a mentor to an army of mind builders! He’s going to miss out on so much awesomeness to come. Poor fella.
❤❤❤
Oh, m’love, let’s save any anger for those who REALLY deserve it. 😉 This guy couldn’t be bothered to try and come together — or even look at the whole caption of my post, right? Forget him. I love you so much and we’ve got SUCH big work to do. THANK YOU for being so powerful and giving and talented and wonderful. I love you.
Makes me sad for this person. My head spins when I read things like this (thank goodness there aren’t many) or so I choose to believe that. My mind goes straight to trying to figure out how a person comes to believe the things they do. How two people can read the same thing and come up with very different responses, some extremely different like this guy puzzles me. Why is it always that terrible person that drains so much of our energy and weighs so heavily on us is because we want that person to be as happy as we are. That’s it! We want to help, it’s human nature and when our head stops spinning in confusion over what just happened then we realize, wow! I hope the whole world doesn’t think like this and we start to worry. We have to stop, turn around and keep moving forward and as hard as that seems sometimes we have to for the good of not only ourselves but for everyone else we want to help. We are giving him too much power when we let it bother us, and that steals our power for ourselves. I know you already know all of this but I wanted you to know I do too and together we can proceed in love and peace. You are a true light Bonnie and I love the tic-tac💕
Thanks for this, Holly. Keep spreading love and peace. ❤
Yeah, I think the energy-drain of it all is where our work lies. That’s why I said, “Thanks for the twenty bucks.” 😉 Because really, I can’t try and figure out what his whole thought process was with this, and I’m never gonna let it change who I am. Thanks for the TicTac love. 😉 You’re awesome!
I love Gary Vee’s perspective on this: Compassion & Empathy. Wonderful explanation in this vid: https://youtu.be/dfuMgQ9u1uo. (Hope it’s okay to post a vid link. He says it much better than I.)
Thanks, John! 😀
Thank you for that share! Totally fine and welcomed. Loves me some Gary Vee. 🙂 You’re awesome, John. Thank you.
What a great post! I just do my best to ignore them. I drop my end of the rope, disengage, ignore them.
If someone throws you a ball, it doesn’t mean you have to catch it.
Glad you enjoyed this, Randy! I agree: no response IS a response.
Amazing! Today I learned an amazing phrase from a “guided meditation” with the ever gorgeous Reuben Kaye:
Breathe in…
And f*ck off!!
I howled with laughter and thought, I’m gonna use that, and spread the word 😄💗
THANK YOU. That’s amazing. 🙂
It’s all too easy to tear down someone or something; it’s creating and building that count. Putting someone else’s light out doesn’t make yours burn brighter–quite the opposite.
I wanted to share this with you ( a talk by Brene Brown): The Man in the Arena– “Why Your Critics Aren’t the Ones Who Count”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-JXOnFOXQkimage.png
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Thank you so much for sharing and for being the quintessential adult in the room.
Thank you, Kathy! Continue burning bright!
Oh my goodness. I read and responded to your post and I don`t understand why someone would get aggressive about that. Very sad.
All my life I have had varying degrees of it which affected me in the early days, especially when costumes got sabotaged! It`s the nature of the business we are in I guess and they take comfort in knowing they are anonymous of course.
Glad you’ve been able to grow beyond letting it affect you, Lena. Can you share how you’ve been able to let it go?