When you realize you have the power to change your life, it’s a bit terrifying!

Today’s BonBlast is about one of the scariest things that happens in a creative person’s lifetime: realizing how much freakin’ power is in our own damn hands.

Just hours ago, a lovely ninja enrolled in our flagship membership, Get in Gear for the Next Tier (Not a member? Remedy that right here! Or here if you prefer a payment plan.) mentioned that she was — again — restarting the 100 days.

Without disclosing her (brilliant) words, I’ll tell you that she specifically touched on the day out of the 100 days that is sort of our “blue pill/red pill MATRIX moment” of the course. Basically, you make it through this particular day (early on in the curriculum) and you’re forever changed.

Or, you decided this particular change was too scary and you found yourself creating really great excuses to NOT log in for a big long while.

The change is about knowing you’re enough. About never again needing outside validation. Accepting it when it comes, of course, because applause feels nice, good reviews are fun, and holding up something gold and shiny is always cool. But never again needing it. Being secure in your enoughness. That’s what this particular day is about.

Turns out, more than a handful of beautiful people who started Get in Gear for the Next Tier anywhere from November 2016 when we first pre-sold spots all the way up to members of the most recent graduating class are restarting the 100 days — this time with a particular focus on that commitment to enoughness, daily.

Because when you realize you ARE enough, you find endless opportunities to take control of your life in ways like never before. And, sure enough, stuff comes out of the woodwork to challenge your belief in your enoughness.

As if I need to live a parallel life to my students (and sometimes it really feels as though I do — I get told more often than you may believe that I must be spying on you [or talking to your mother] because of my right-on-time-ness in topics I choose), sure enough, I *am* living that particular parallel right now.

My struggle in the “enoughness” territory right now has to do with illness and certainty that whenever there’s good (money in the bank, smaller size wardrobe, higher-tier invitations to jam than ever), that there’s a balance sheet coming to collect on the bad (health issues, usually, but also unexpected major expenses, emergencies, tier-related freakouts). I have learned and relearned a thousand times over that there is NO such accounting sheet but that doesn’t mean my beliefs aren’t challenged REGULARLY in this area. Especially as I make my own tier jumps faster than I’d prepped for them.

The same tends to be true for actors and other creatives who get next-tier opportunities that challenge their core beliefs in being “deserving” of them. So, because this is a common thread, it’s stupid important that we wrangle this mindset issue.

If the 100 days of Get in Gear for the Next Tier is the equivalent of my Abraham-Hicks practice in terms of making LASTING change in this belief structure (although still needing reminders and revisiting no matter how far I’m sure I’ve come sometimes), it’s worth noting that I started listening to Abraham-Hicks daily in the summer of 2008. When they thought I had cancer. So I listened daily for hours at a time to clean up my mindset about what everything the doctors had told me was true. Because I knew I could turn around “results” in the time it would take for them to come back from the biopsy. And sure enough, dunzo.

It was soooooo much fun seeing them shocked to deliver good news. They had been so damn certain of the outcome. And in the summer of 2008, I learned the power of my beliefs. And set out from then on to rewire every flippin’ one of ’em that doesn’t serve me.

That means I’m coming up on a decade of this particular mindset practice that has changed — and continues to change — my life many times over.

I still listen daily (unless I slip by a few days now and then, but it’s never longer than a gap of three days before I can feel myself NEEDING it just to get through daily life and my belief that I am powerful beyond measure). And I still find myself challenged in my “balance sheet” beliefs now and then. Because they started decades ago.

Beliefs you feed for YEARS take a while to rewire. But they’re rewireable! We just have to commit to believing something better for ourselves. Consistently. Unflinchingly.

What I said to my Get in Gear for the Next Tier students (we have a private Facebook group for grads who are still actively working the curriculum, in case you’re wondering where this convo took place) is that them redoing the 100 days if they started just one year ago is about a tenth of what I’ve done with my daily commitment to living my best life in listening to these Law of Attraction MP3s daily.

So, as someone who has done TEN TIMES the amount of revisiting that even the first-ever class of Get in Gear has done so far, I can safely say that we always need some form of belief work happening in our lives because we are — at the core — rewiring, reprogramming old BIG beliefs.

Not only is that challenging to do and tough to do and requiring regular work to do… it’s terrifying when you begin to realize you have that much power.

At some point you realize you CAN change everything about your life. EVERYTHING.

And if you’ve had a lifelong story about how you’re powerless, that’s a biggie.

Of course, we can either run from that confronting feeling and just keep living that same old life we were told was all there ever would be for us *or* we can recommit daily, face that scary reality that we are powerful beyond measure EVERY day, and further fortify the limiting beliefs that creep back in every time that happens. Because it happens.

So, to everyone who commits to living their best lives — whether it’s through another lap of Get in Gear, a new Day One of sobriety or Whole30 or a workout or not smoking or getting back in acting class, or like me doing the work with Abraham-Hicks *and* my sobriety and Whole30 and a workout and Get in Gear all while clearing scary money beliefs and enoughness self-talk and physical barriers that feel really TRUE after so long — I commend you for committing again and again and again… that’s what it takes sometimes!

Everyone who has ever tried to “fix” some pretty effed up beliefs about how we’re not enough, we come from poverty, we don’t deserve it, we’re not actually talented, we’re too selfish and people are asking, “Who does she think she is?” anytime we assert we DO deserve it all and CAN have it all… all of it — every one of us — knows this takes work.

It’s big and every single one of us is SO brave for owning truths we feel in our core, recommitting to ourselves, and knowing that the life on the other side of ANY issue — but especially this issue of enoughness — is SO DAMN GOOD.

But it is like a fit body vs. a college degree. We have to work out regularly to KEEP the healthy body. We didn’t just earn it once, hang it on a wall, and therefore it is always true for us. Believing in ourselves takes maintenance, upkeep, reinvestment. And the hill gets steeper at higher tiers.

Believing in ourselves takes believing we CAN continue to show up for ourselves just once more, sometimes.

Never wait ’til you’re feeling extremely out of sorts to HEAR that you need to keep showing up for yourself. Listen to those whispers so you don’t require a scream to know you’re out of alignment with the “I am enoughness” work.

(She says, having just experienced her own little “scream” of attention-getting. Woof. Those upper limit problems are no joke!)

So, here’s *my* pledge on this stuff — and I’ll ask you to make yours and possibly share it with me in the comments below — I will not ignore physical symptoms (like the ones that first showed up December 26th) choosing to “push through the pain,” landing me on bedrest (through most of February).

I didn’t WANT to have to think about all the beliefs that challenge me — ones about having grown up poor, of there always being some “other shoe” that would drop if things got good, stuff like it’s not possible to have so much be SO GOOD for such an extended period of time as I watched my weight drop by 60 pounds and saw my bank account increase by tens of thousands, yet still constantly pushed through on no sleep, overgiving, stressing out, giving lip-service to creating boundaries but rarely sticking to them because, y’know, all of this could go away in a heartbeat so I’d better work HARDER to prove I was worthy of so much goodness at once.

Now I get to think about all of that stuff — and how I know those limiting beliefs are BS, but the fear of them NOT being BS drove me to keep working too many hours, keep working out when my bod begged for rest, keep stressing out about what people think, keep worrying about things I don’t control, stop trusting *I* am enough even though I flippin’ KNOW that I am — because at this point I’m under doctor’s orders to do little else.

I got sloppy in my commitment to my investment in myself (you saw it happening) — in my belief that I am enough — and now I have time to reinvest.

Please, let’s all do ourselves — and the world for whom we create ART together — a favor. Right now.

Commit to spending a few minutes every damn day invested in how fully ENOUGH we are. Tell ourselves we’re talented. We’re smart. We’re capable of wealth and health and true love and all the success we’ve ever dreamed of attracting.

Tell those thoughts that try to float in, saying, “Nuh-uh. You suck!” that they need to STFU. We’ve given those thoughts audience for long enough. Now we’re going to let “I am enough” be in charge for a little bit. See what happens.

(What happens is nothing short of magic. I promise. But I also promise we have to keep it up, not decide once it’s been achieved that it’s kept forever, as mindset shifts go.)

I’m feeling the need to apologize for this being long, rambly, and borderline incoherent, but I’m gonna convince myself that’s the meds talking and I’ll just go ahead and post. Trusting the good stuff that’s in here is landing just right for those who need it most right now.

And that if anything’s unclear, you’ll share that below as well and I’ll get a chance to clarify in the next BonBlast. 😉

Ooh, look at me, taking my own medicine! Trusting this is enough rather than apologizing for being beautifully human in my flaws.

Now you. You show me you trust you’re enough. 🙂

You know I believe in YOU!

XO


Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!

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15 Comments

  1. Janna Davis February 6, 2018 at 6:24 am

    Feel better Bonnie! I’m so glad you’re showing up for yourself.

    Reply
  2. John February 6, 2018 at 7:27 am

    This is the Abraham Hicks Daily Quote in my inbox today: “There is an atmosphere of Well-being that surrounds you at every level of your being. There are not enough words to express to you fully the bigness of the Well-being that is focused upon you at all times. -Excerpted from Boca Raton, FL on 1/18/14

    You are enough, you are worthy, you are loved more than you can ever imagine…

    Reply
  3. Kelly Raymer February 6, 2018 at 8:54 am

    Grateful to know you Bonnie. Proud of you. This was so spot on for me. Sending healing vibes your way.

    Reply
  4. Heather Alexander February 6, 2018 at 9:22 am

    Oh Bonnie. You’re a goddess in my opinion. I adore you for sharing your vulnerabilities and still inspiring me. I’m so very grateful for YOU! YOU’RE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR… How many ninjas are there? Even for those tgat don’t achieve their full dreams, you’ve made them better people. Creating a world where we belong. You’re more than enough & I’m grateful.

    Reply
  5. Ivette Li-Sanchez February 6, 2018 at 9:40 am

    Lovely post. Much needed. One of my new year’s goals was to look at the good in everything, since it’s so easy to look at the bad… (why?????!!!). However, I’ve looking at the good in everything and everybody except me. Thank you Bonnie. Fell better soon!
    ~I.

    Reply
  6. Verity Higgins February 6, 2018 at 9:50 am

    Check out this incredible spoken poem by Kate Tempest
    https://youtu.be/dmQDQTjN0pY

    From my POV so on point with this Bon Blast

    Reply
  7. Ann Van Haney February 6, 2018 at 10:03 am

    This was a good reminder for me, thank you. I spent much of the last two months trying to press on through feeling horrible, and beating myself up about feeling so inadequate in personal and professional life. I feel like I’ve turned a corner. Be selfish with your time, Bonnie, and get all the rest you need. It’s so important. Thank you for continuing to share your soul with us!

    Reply
  8. Jaye February 6, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    Thanks, Bonnie.
    With all the #MeToo going on, I have finally been triggered enough to work through it. Seeing a social worker this afternoon. And boy howdy, my body is reacting cra-cra. All the fears of discussing these issues…
    I applaud you for excellent self-care.
    I’ve been getting AH in my mailbox on a daily basis. Recommitted to view them on a more consistent level. ❤

    Reply
  9. Erin Zapcic February 6, 2018 at 3:03 pm

    Hoo, boy. I, too, am working on changing long-held beliefs – and doing that is *definitely* a turning of the dial (https://bonniegillespie.com/change-turn-a-dial-or-flip-a-switch/). Ivette, I’m glad you’ll be including yourself in your “looking for the good” practice! 🙂 Happy to hear you’ve turned a corner, Ann! Keep on keepin’ on!

    Love and hugs to you, Jaye. <3

    Reply
  10. Kate Tilley February 6, 2018 at 4:40 pm

    Sending you love and light, Bonnie. You are an inspiration and I am grateful for everything you do. You and your right-on-time-ness in topics! I was whining and whinging to the hubs right before I opened today’s BonBlast a few moments ago. (It is both a bit creepy and utterly lovely to feel that you are constantly in my head.) 🙂

    I am struggling with believing that I am enough. I *know* I am, but I’ve been spinning my wheels and haven’t been *feeling* it lately. Frankly, I think it scares the crap out of me.

    I pledge to remember that I am enough, be present in that thought, and be kind to myself.

    Reply
  11. April February 6, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    This was so empowering to read — thank you, Bonnie! I realize that I’m tricky. I have a never-give-up attitude and I’m very optimistic — and yet, I’ve often felt powerless, not yet accomplishing what I set out to accomplish many years ago with my career…STUCK. I suddenly realize that there’s a much deeper level of feeling like a victim of circumstances that I try to cover up with these other, more positive thoughts. But no matter what I try to convince myself of, if I don’t deal with that core belief and see that I’m enough and have the power to change my own life (and take back my power), then the other stuff is just talk and doesn’t effectively translate into me taking appropriate focused action and achieving my most desired results.

    Reply
  12. Erin Zapcic February 7, 2018 at 6:58 pm

    Kate, April, you are so brave for recognizing and sharing the areas on which you’re working. Much love to you both. <3

    Reply
  13. Sean Frost February 8, 2018 at 12:36 am

    I don’t know that I am enough nor will I ever be. But, and those who know me will not be surprised st this, I am convinced that God’s grace is sufficient for me. It’s not a “me” thing here. Nor is being worthy (not about that) or deserving (not about that either. Sometimes it’s about recognizing that this good you have is simply, but importantly, the result of stuff you did. You targeted. You honed in on your brand. You did the work. You accepted help. The effect becomes marvelous tier jumping, self-awareness, humility, gratitude. For me, God has given me the tools. The Holy Spirit and you (Bonnie) , and others have helped Me learn to use them, to see the path to take and to take it. You do the right thing and, more often than not, good stuff happens.

    Am I enough? I doubt it. But then I, myself, don’t have to be.

    Reply
  14. Sean Frost February 8, 2018 at 12:38 am

    That capital “M” in “Me” should be a small-letter “m”.

    Reply
  15. Jeffrey February 12, 2018 at 9:21 am

    I love how the universe works full time to affirm all that happens in our lives. Last year, I wasn’t feeling ENOUGH. Now after having done some daily work, having a conversation encouraging someone else that they are enough, and now reading this; I embrace my ENOUGNESS! Now that I say that, I can’t identify words that describe me being ENOUGH for me, but I know that I am!

    Thanks for your ministry Bonnie!

    Reply

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