So if you thought last week’s BonBlast was weird…
let’s go for surreal today.
Before I get into it, a quick share: My neighbor, Steve — a below-the-line crew guy specializing in multi-million dollar budget commercials — has this thing he says EVERY time I see him. Monday morning, as I headed to my private Pilates session, was no different.
“Hey, Steve! How’s it goin’?”
(Looking around, up at the sky and all that surrounds us.)
“Ah… it’s another day in paradise!”
And of course, he’s right.
He’s been saying this to me for the more than 14 years we’ve been living here at the beach. I’m sure he says it to everyone and has been saying it for a lifetime.
I love it because it always reminds me that life truly is beautiful, even when the surreal shit goes down. Even when there are struggles. Even when there’s very real pain.
My mother used to drop me off at school every morning and — as I’d get out of her car — she’d say, “Make it a good day!”
Not, “have a good day.” MAKE IT a good day.
A beautiful reminder that my worldview would have more to do with what kind of day I would have at school than anything else and that my worldview is mine to choose, mindfully. (Tweet it.)
So, Keith is still in Hawaii with his sister, wrapping up a week of connection including the ceremony of scattering their teenaged nephew’s ashes. It’s been a somber time in his complicated family and everyone’s been in good spirits considering the main focus of the trip.
On Sunday, word came in from Sacramento (where Keith grew up) that their brother (who obviously was not in Hawaii for the services) was murdered.
Now, no one who knew Keith’s brother ever pictured him dying peacefully in his sleep at 100, surrounded by grandkids and great-grandkids and such. That’s just not the lifestyle he’d chosen. Keith and I have joked our whole time together about making sure to watch COPS so we can see which of our family members might show up on an episode first.
It’s our dark humor that sometimes gets us through… but its our sunny worldview that really makes all the difference.
Because even though this is news that takes your breath away and makes you wonder what the FUCK kind of energetic weather system is in play for the timing of all this at once, it’s also so very clear that this was meant to happen precisely when Keith and his sister are together, surrounded by cousins and kids who grew up with their nephew, celebrating his life and able to connect fully as bits of news come in from the police and witnesses about their brother’s attack.
Ah… it’s another day in paradise.
Make it a good day.
I’ll ask you whether such phrases are a part of your mindfully-chosen worldview. Or do you find yourself talking about things in more fatalistic terms?
Our self-talk — and our talk about what we’re going through, struggling with, suffering from — is powerful stuff. And it’s as simple as starting by talking about what we’re experiencing, what we’re dealing with, what’s happening around us instead.
Notice those simple shifts? They’re so worth cleaning up, if your self-talk is more like the first three than the last three I just listed off.
How’s your self-talk, ninjas? Comments are open just below. I’d love to know some of what you catch yourself saying… and how you can brighten it up RIGHT NOW.
No, it won’t make a difference overnight… but it will shift some things in some pretty powerful ways over time.
Now, get out there and make it a good day.
All my love,
Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!
I am so of your mind frame and so I so get this completely; there is nothing weird or strange about your thinking at all. In fact, selfishly for me, this remit is perfect timing, as I am dealing with people I am walking away from, because they ridiculed this exact same framework in me; and to me this is Everything. I feel so blessed to have opened this message up and read it, more confirmation I am on the right path…Like you always say “Leadership can be lonely’.
Nevertheless, my heart goes out to you and Keith at this time. These kinds of troubled affairs, especially when they come all at once, are still taxing on the heart and mind, and amplify the care and protection we feel for others too. But reframing things in the light, it DOES lighten the load, and get you moving on this amazing journey, quicker, (or not) perhaps the choice is to move with more marvel and grace, certainly with less memorable bumps in the road. As you rightly pointed out, what a blessing this event happened when the family were all gathered together, and perhaps, Nephew and Uncle are together too.
Sending you loads of heartfelt love, I know you will be pining for your guy, whilst holding the energy for him as well.
Stay safe in paradise,
Every day, I make a point to find something beautiful around me. I absorb it and wrap it around pain and suffering, making a bubble of beauty that lifts my spirit and keeps me focused on living my passion. In spite of the obstacles. And Bonnie, much love to you and Keith at this time. Making it a good day starts with making it an hour at a time.
Love this. Thank you, Sylvie.
As one who has relocated due to death in the family, only to have more friends and family die this year I can relate to that state of ‘WTF’. When I’m in the middle of a storm, I remind myself that there are rainbows, the mantra ‘this too shall pass’ helps. But the one that will keep me going is this thought ‘If I woke up this morning, that means that I have been given the opportunity to live this life and change anything that I have the power to change.’ I really believe that.
Make it a good day. I really like that.
So the air quality in LA bothers me enough that I’m basically applying for citizenship in another country so I can keep working in entertainment, but do it in a city I’ve never lived in before and do it where the air is clean. Over the past few years (I don’t know if it’s the subconscious giving me the language or the language affecting the subconscious on this one!), but I’ve been saying “I can’t breathe” a lot.
Cut to this past month where I’ve had some pretty traumatic experiences for me: was sexually assisted in a performance job (feels good to say it finally), lost a performer in my company (she died unexpectedly), another performer in my company lost everything in the Wolsey fires and spent an evening fearing for my life as my freshly-restored hot rod sat on fire on the side of the highway and I hoped the 80 mph traffic wouldn’t hit it or my pink body as it zipped around the curve I waited for a tow truck dangerously on. My stress levels peaked and held for so long, my heart and lungs … I couldn’t breathe! The air quality in LA fires is still affecting me and I have legit scary resperatiry symptoms … “I can’t breathe!”
The words are a cry for help. I hear them. And I am choosing different words like, “The air is irritating my bronchials” or “My breathing is shallow”. Because the truth is, I can breathe and am breathing. Breath is life and I really want to breathe.
Sending lots of love to you, Tonya, and we’re glad to hear that you’re choosing new words and actively reframing. <3
First, please let Keith know that I am sending him love and lots of breathing. Can’t begin to imagine the impact of these twin events.
Second, I am reading my “I am enough” statements every morning and evening. And though I don’t have any “ah ha!” moments around them, I do notice that if I miss an evening or a morning, there is a hole in my consciousness. And reading the statements has made me more likely to stop the self-deprecating thoughts, using your “Hey Unger, stop that and start this!” thoughts instead.
Third, I feel more comfortable when i keep this “I am enough’ mode going. I don’t want to say “positive attitude” because that implies not letting in the bad stuff. It is probably more accurate to say that I am able to walk through the possible s**t-storm that each day in the Trump regime be, and hold around me the “I am enough and so are you – let’s build on that” attitude that allows me to find joy in life.
There are more things I want to learn, more things to add into my daily routine without feeling oppressed. And with this forward-looking practice, I know they will happen when they do.
This is beautiful work, Deb. Love you. ❤
I just want to say that I am working progressively to Change my thinking. Im learning to be my own personal archeologist so I can shift my thinking to a more positive perspective.
I call times when everything seems to be happening at once my “Probability Well”.
… as for self-talk, I try to keep the phrase “Embrace Change” at the front of my mind.
Change is coming, like it or not. You can ride the wave, or get hit by it.
Healing thoughts to you and your family…
Woo hoo! YEAH you did! ❤
I insist that the glass is half full (thought it’s really completely full, just not necessarily of liquid). This fights against the easier thought that this half-empty. It’s important. Acknowledge the negative. Improve that. But remember the positive.
The other thing that helps is to not assign motives to others’ actions (thanks, Bonnie) and to remember that it’s not all about me. Great way to alleviate pressure.
Lastly, there is the power to zoom out and to keep perspective. As long as we did the right thing for the right reason, what do little annoyances or lack of validation matter?
Good work, Sean!
Some years ago I learned that we are what we thought and we attract what we say or think, so we have to be very careful every time we talk or think.
For Keith: praying you and yours get through.
Dearest Bonnie, thank you! Spot on! Just got an interdiction on complaining from a few of my friends. Trying to change my narrative is so difficult. Sure, I kinda don’t like 90% of what’s happening in my life right now and it seems like I can’t chant anything, but I see the value in what you are saying. And when I think about stuff like what happened to your relatives and to friends and family, it sort of puts things into perspective. Thank you!