For the long-ass review of the BEST MOVIE EVER, visit the BonBlogs. Here’s the short version, for Monitoring the Culture.

You’ve been to the movie’s site, so you know the story. Hell, you’ve seen Bring It On, so you know the story. Well, sort of. Seems the film’s writer/director (Jessica Bendinger — love that name, like she’s a bending-er, like all of these flippy kids she writes about) is also making a political statement about the arcane rules of judging in the sport of elite gymnastics. She does it quite effectively, too.

But not as effectively as she writes coolass lingo. Holy hell, that’s some great stuffs. My favorites:

*Dude! Why you always gotta bite my moment? It tastes good? — Poot, when Frank marshes his mellow or kills his buzz
*Well if it isn’t Pariah Carey. — Joanne, upon seeing Haley’s unwelcome return to the gym (BTW, I totally think we need to just refer to Mimi as Pariah from here on out.)
*Come here, rebel without applause. — Coach Vick to Haley, on one of many of her walk-off-in-disgust attempts
*I’m so sure I’m practically deodorant. — Haley about how positive she is she’ll nail a particular trick
*(Q): What’s a corsage? (A): It’s the universal symbol for “whipped.” — exchange between Poot and Frank, when facing a prom purchase (No, we don’t get to go to prom in this movie, but we do brilliantly, gorgeously, gloriously shop for it.)
*(Insult): Diva! (Comeback): Dee-vil! — our heroes upon entering the gym before Nationals

Oh, but it’s not just the quips I love!

No ma’am! It’s also the New Miss Malaprop on the block! Rock it. This girl has the most lazily written character (she’s so NOT the juicy wonderful villain we got to know and love in Bring It On or any other decent movie of its ilk), but it’s totally worth falling in love with her just for the malaprops. Wow! Greatness. Just a sampling:

*If you do that, I will have a cardio-vasectomy!
*Can we get rid of the long-sleeved leos? We have a right to bare arms.
*I earned my spots. I’m practically a Dalmatian!
*I don’t appreciate your insituation.
*You got a GED? What does drunk driving have to do with this?

I mean, COME! ON! That shit is OUTSTANDING!

I predict lots of happy fun drugged-up movie-goers really enjoying the phenomenal prescription drug dream sequence and super-imposed bodies flipping and tricking simultaneously. The fun soundtrack includes a song entitled “I Slept With Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me.” The sense of humor throughout this whole film is just rockstar. It never takes itself seriously, even when it has its “O Captain, My Captain” moment featuring my favorite flipper: Tarah Paige.

I cast Tarah as Cupid in Still of the Night last year. She’s amazing. Her brastrap moment is only one of a few really unforgettable, scene-stealing offerings. That so rocks. Well done, cutie! You GO!

Other favorite items include Polly Holiday (I feel shame that I was certain she had died not too long ago) delivering a great line: “There are a lot of great people who had jerks for parents. We’ve gotta stick together;” and the Buttahara, probably my new favorite trick.

I’m still basking in the afterglow that was my morning with Stick It. I am certain that I will remain inspired to be the best professional teenage gymnast I can possibly be. Training began today. My rips have rips!

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!