1. Scroll down for updates on my FREE training going on.
2. Hug yourself! Seriously. Give yourself some love RIGHT NOW.
3. Now, on to the BonBlast. 😉
One of the things that seems to come up at EVERY tier of our creative journey is the beast that is ENVY.
Now, y’all know that one of the very first things I *ever* said on the internet in a place where people could capture it, turn it into a “graphic quote” (before there was even the word MEME), and share it is this:
“Anytime I see someone succeed, I am happy, for it reminds me that I live in a world where success is possible.”
I said this in an online forum for actors in 2000. I still mean it today (and every day). Because if *anyone* has ever “made it”? I can make it too. I may have to go about things differently, but there’s inspiration in EVERY other person’s success story.
The work is having answers for the “yeah, but” part of the brain. “Yeah, but… no one who’s the left-handed, sober, OCD-having, chronic-pain-suffering, pole-fitness-junkie, astrologer’s daughter has ever MADE IT” gets answered by, “Maybe not in that exact combination, but I can point to data where someone with EACH of those situations, conditions, affliction, statuses, whatever has a success story.”
Of course, the “yeah, but” part of the brain is really well-practiced in some of us. So, the work is *also* practicing the “OR” for that. Notice I didn’t ask you to STOP using “yeah, but.” I know better than to get you — or ME — to stop using such a well-used, strong-ass muscle as that!
To add TO the convo the lovely pivot that is “OR” is a delightful way to reframe stories that we pretty much end-road for ourselves before they can even get started. “OR” provides an opportunity where one may not have existed before. “OR” allows for the story to go another way.
In one of my recent group coaching Zooms, the topic of envy came up and I asked the glorious creatives to consider that envy is a simply awareness that our emotional voice is saying, “Ooh! I want that!”
I believe we’re so quick to train our emotions into patriarchal capitalistic white cis-hetero male thoughts that maybe envy has nothing to do with comparison or jealousy or hustle or need to achieve. Maybe it’s just our emotional body letting us know there’s a vote for doing that, succeeding with that, having fun with that (just like SHE is doing). It’s just a YES.
I’d love to have you experiment both with the “OR” and the idea that — when you feel envious over someone else’s wins — your emotions are letting you know, “That’s a vote for me!”
And there’s nothing to fix. There’s nothing to be mad at yourself about (y’know, like no need to beat yourself up for feeling jealous). There’s only acknowledgment that what you’re currently witnessing is something aligned with future you. And CURRENT you would like you to do more things that are a part of future you’s world.
It’s an indication of growth. Of connection with what’s out there for us all. I think we may have been treating envy wrong all along.
Of course, I’m totally open to your discussion on this one (and all posts, always). 😉 Comments are open just below. Let’s jam about it!
And now, as promised, details on our amazing FREE training that’s in progress through the 22nd! If you missed part 1 of my soon-to-be-famous 5×5 Content Planning Method FREE training, the replay is here. If you missed the PDF workbook for part 1 of my soon-to-be-famous 5×5 Content Planning Method FREE training, that’s here. If you want to read up on all the details of my soon-to-be-famous 5×5 Content Planning Method FREE training, the info page is here.
We have two more LIVE, FREE training sessions coming up and you can attend those here on Thursday the 17th at 12pm PDT and Tuesday the 22nd at 11am PDT. (Convert those times to your local timezone here.)
I will be emailing Wednesday night with news about the UPDATED workbook, which you’ll need for Thursday’s free training. It’s worksheet-workout time, friends! Get ready with your office supplies and so much glee for creating content to build up the KLT factor with your soon-to-be SUPERFANS. 🙂 Also have ready your ONE big idea, the big-picture concept that we’re going to break out into so much content you’ll never run out of ideas!
See y’all then!
Enoughness is an inside job… and sometimes you need a guide to find your way there. Let Bonnie Gillespie get you started.
As a rideshare driver and I go into a lot of nice neighborhoods and I remember something that I think you, or somebody, instilled in me: you can get better or you can get better; you can atew orcyou can study. In other words, if a house in the swanky neighborhood on the swanky side of town is something that you want, you could go through the neighborhood and get angry and envious and wonder how people got that or what did they do to deserve such a nice house, or and ask somebody who is in that position how they got there. You can see the whole neighborhood has 1000 examples or pieces of proof that it can be done. From what I understand, a lot of those people are perfectly willing to share information on how they did this if you were asking seriously. Same thing with getting this or that part or get into this or that tier. Such and such actor is getting parts that I would like. Rather than stew about it, study about it instead. As I remember you saying, “if it has been done before, you can do it.” (Or something like that.) or as Russell Crowe said while holding something gold and shiny, “It’s possible.”
Sean, I LOVE that! Yes!! That means that we because we see the way has been forged, we can do it too!
I meant to say “you can get bitter or you can get better”. 🤪
When you’re on fire with anxiety and self doubt, fuelled by every loss and failure, then someone else’s successes and gains can feel like a fire poker shoved in your flaming guts. I sat in that self-defeating conflagration for decades… Did it power me for success? No! It burned me up inside to a dry, unusable husk.
SO, it’s time to reimagine what’s going on, exactly like Bonnie says. Time to put out the fire so you can walk into a better future.
Your history is your history, your situation is your situation, and no amount of self-hatred or anger turned on others will change it. Only accepting what has happened, where you are, and putting in place some steps to a better trajectory.
Envy of others is as useless and self-defeating as the If Onlys we beat ourselves up with.
I think Bonnie is right; ‘envy is a simply awareness that our emotional voice is saying, “Ooh! I want that!” ‘
In fact, we want it SO MUCH that the unfulfilled yearning can feel consuming. Acknowledge the yearning. But all recognise every individual human has a UNIQUE journey. You won’t get the exact success of anyone else; but you could still yet get YOUR success. You can only write YOUR story, so make it a good one day by day.
And enjoy the Here&Now, the Today, the view along the way, rather than thinking you’ll only enjoy life IF and WHEN certain milestones are reached.
Short and sweet: I feel envious sometimes and like you said, Bonnie, it’s an indication of what one wants so I allow myself to be envious for a moment or two and then think “Any more energy spent being jealous is better spent working on my craft to get to there.” And then I think, specifically, about what it is I need to do to get to where I want to go because when you’re busy working toward your goals, there isn’t much room for envy (in my world, anyway.)
I’ve always thought that if I ever felt jealousy or envy it was simply my heart telling me “This is what I want” and I felt thankful that person was exhibiting for me ways I could expand my experience in life. This is why it was always hard on me when people hated on me due to envy, because I could not and, perhaps, I still cannot comprehend the need to harm or limit out of envy. It seems some people build their life around toxic emotions, it’s their main ammo. As always, you are a joy and an inspiration to read, Bonnie. 💕
“It’s just a YES.”
I love that! Remove the drama and listen to what I want. And have compassion for myself and my journey.
Also, “Yeah, but… no one who’s the left-handed, sober, OCD-having, chronic-pain-suffering, pole-fitness-junkie, astrologer’s daughter has ever MADE IT” Made me laugh so hard!
Yes, Sean, I agree with Alexandra about how good that is. “You can get bitter or you can get better.” Right on!
Jamie — I’ve found I *can* change history by changing my relationship with it (which is all I ever control anyway). It’s so cool!
Love it, Chris! And for sure, Anamaria — other people’s strong emotions are their own to work through. We can extend compassion for them, as they’re hurting, but anything we do to turn down OUR bright light is a punishment to us and to all those we inspire… and it still doesn’t help the person who has turned bitter from their own interpretation of envy.
So glad you enjoyed this and got a laugh out of it too, Maggie. 😉 That’s awesome.