Sooo… an update to my timeline for those who are curious. I’m starting Whole30 tomorrow.

Why: Yesterday I had a ladydate (these *always* involve booze and cheese and lots of laughs) and that ladydate — along with three more I have scheduled for August — is part of the reason I chose August 21st as my start date.

August 21st is the day after the Self-Management for Actors Retreat (after which we will have gone out for drinks and pub grub, as always) and it’s after all my pre-scheduled August ladydates, so I can keep my commitments (to my friends *and* to my beloved booze and cheese). So, that’ll give me time to get the food currently in the fridge all consumed and start fresh with meal plans and a nice big shop on Sunday the 21st for us to get going STRONG.

Until last night.

Within about a half-hour of my ladydate, as I wandered around the Grove looking for one more gadget to buy, meandering amongst the crowds, enjoying the cool breeze of the evening, and popping in and out of overly airconditioned stores, I broke out in a major sweat. I swear, it was like I was having a hot flash (which I am assured by my doc, I am not yet starting to have, no matter how much *I* am convinced I must be, due to how damn sudden and strong they are). I am someone who generally runs cold. My hands and feet are ALWAYS cold, as is my nose. And when these heatwaves hit me, they’re always centralized around my ribcage, mostly on the left side (Hello, pancreas and spleen… what y’all up to over there??) and they are impossible to tolerate.

So, this happens as I’m enjoying my final moments at the Grove. I’m toting my new spiralizer around as I try to find some good parking validation machine in the overly airconditioned movie theater lobby, as I hear that one provides an extra hour. Cool. And it’s more time in the A/C. But I’m a mess. Sweaty, miserable MESS.

And I know it’s the cheese and the booze. I know it.

So I’m having all these emotions about it all, realizing that EVERY day I’m not starting Whole30, I’m prolonging the inevitable and making myself sicker… and for what?!? Another damn wine and cheese date with a girlfriend who will be just as happy to visit with me next month or beyond? When I feel better? When I’ve changed my life?

I’m emotional as fuck and just at that moment, BOOM. I’m celebrity spotted. Now, this happens a lot and strangely all over the world. I’ve gotten used to total strangers coming up to me gushing about my book and how it changed their lives. I usually love it. I’m usually filled with grace and excited to learn about these lovely people whose creative careers have been somehow enhanced by my life’s work. I adore getting to meet people and I of course love knowing I’ve made a difference while living MY dreams.

But not right at this moment. I am mortified. I don’t WANT to be seen. I want to crawl in a ball and hide under a table in a corner and wait ’til the Grove is closed so I can slink back to my car in shame for what a mess my health has become — BY MY OWN DOING. I am in a full-on emotional tailspin at this moment. Totally out of control.

And as I politely made my way through awkward convo with these sweet actors who chased me down to thank me, then made my way to my car, then got on the road to head back to the beach, I cried. I cried because I knew that if I delayed starting Whole30 I was going to have more moments like this ahead of me. And I don’t ever want to feel like that again.

I got home and journaled and listed all the reasons — GOOD REASONS — we had for choosing August 21st, including all the money we’ve wasted on food we have to throw out if we start tomorrow; including all the plans I have to cancel because I’m not putting myself in “danger zones” ’til very late in my 30 days to be sure I can handle temptation with grace; including all the research I still wanted to do; including how scary it is to do something impulsive when the logical PLANNER brain is usually the better one to follow… all of it.

And then I listed rebuttals, tapping into that same logical PLANNER brain to support the impulsive, emotional brain that wanted to start Whole30 right that second. Yes. Food will be wasted. Good food. Delicious food. Luckily we live down the street from a homeless hub here at the beach and they will be thrilled to have bags filled with yummy food brought by for their distribution system. Yes. Plans will be cancelled. Tough. Good friends will be happy to connect later and celebrate the shift in my health and wellness. Yes. There is more research to do. There always is. But dear Bonnie, you are the biggest research junkie on the planet and you’ve been studying Whole30 since it first popped on your radar and you could teach a fucking masterclass in it vs. how prepared some others are before they charge in. And yes. It’s scary to let impulse and emotion drive a decision, but if you can back that impulse and emotion UP with logical reasons to make a change, fucking do it.

With that, I present to you, TODAY: the day I did my weigh-in, my measurements, and my big list-making for the first big shop, plus my fridge-purge and cancelling of all the plans I had been excited to enjoy this month so that I can start my Whole30 on Saturday, August 6, 2016.

Wish me luck! This is too important to wait to start.

PS — If you’d like to join in on this journey, I’ve started up a Facebook support group here. See you there for links, resources, tips, accountability, food photos, and all that jazz.