Closeness Is Not a Requirement for Loving Someone

I called my 85-year-old daddy today because I’m a good girl and I call my daddy on Father’s Day. ✔️

That was true even in those years that we weren’t speaking. Or rather, when I was withholding my love from him. When I was punishing him for having left us. When I was cruel to demonstrate how cruel I felt he had been.

Of course, I know there’s so much complexity to the situation and when I was young (and knew it all) I would ignore him for years at a time… except for Father’s Day and Daddy’s birthday. Because I’m a good girl. 💕

And because I knew there was the potential for a future me who wouldn’t be so hurt, so angry, so in the mood to punish him for making life choices that tore my world apart. Future me would want me to have at least reached out twice a year. It’s the right thing to do.

When we talk these days, Daddy is quick to cry. He feels such regret for so many things and he always apologizes for how he messed up such a big chunk of my life. I’ve told him for more than a decade now that it’s okay. That I’m okay. That *we’re* okay. There’s nothing to fix now.

Yet he cries because he knows his choices caused massive stress in my young life. And now that he’s closer to the end of his, he has a need to try and soothe past me. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I don’t know that she’s sootheable. And current me really has forgiven him, even if the tears flow freely as I write this. 🧘🏽‍♀️

We’re good, Daddy. You taught me to live life without worry about what impact our choices have on others. You taught me to declare what makes me happy and go after it at all costs. You taught me to sing and act and play piano and drive a stick-shift and zing a witty comeback effortlessly.

We’re not close and we don’t need to be. Closeness is not a requirement for loving someone, no matter what society may depict as expected or normal.

🕊 I love you, Daddy. We’re good. Thank you for co-creating me. (When I said that to you today, you made sure your wife was out of earshot and said, “Hey! Making you with your mother was FUN!” God, I love your sense of humor! *Our* sense of humor.) 🤪

I’m glad I *am*, so thank you for your part in that. 💗 Happy Father’s Day.

Bonnie Gillespie autographed the internet


Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!

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