Spoiler alert: In show business, sometimes we don’t get what we want.
(Hell, in *life* sometimes we don’t get what we want.)
And sometimes that feels like poop. Especially if it was something that was within our grasp for a moment.
One of my many lessons from this mind-body healing journey of mine is that pain is a conversation. Well… if the part of the brain in charge of reacting to getting — and not getting — what we want were personified, when we don’t get what we want, that sucker is a tantruming three year old.
And as my Pilates coach says about that tantruming three year old, “We don’t negotiate with terrorists.”
Those conversations are just NOT straightforward ones.
When a three year old is throwing a hissy fit and the adults need to get the family into the car and headed home after a day at the park, we do get binary with the kid.
What does this have to do with you?
Welp, visualize being sure you’re booking the role of your dreams, knowing you’re getting signed by an agent you totally clicked with during the meeting, anything that you’ve had your heart set on in this creative career as a balloon.
You’re that toddler, gleefully holding onto that balloon… until the wind sweeps in and takes that balloon away.
We didn’t book the role. We didn’t get signed by the agent. We didn’t get what we wanted and thought we had.
Try as we might, at the moment that bad news hits, that’s a balloon lost forever and our ego becomes that tantruming child. Inconsolable. No matter how much the rational part of ourselves tries to negotiate more reasonable feelings.
When this happens — and it invariably will — I do a little exercise I’m gonna share with you now.
I basically interview that kiddo (AKA my ego).
- Why are you upset? (Because I wanted it. It was mine.)
- Why did you want it? (Because it made me feel good, when I was sure I had it.)
- Great. Let’s think about anything that feels good. (I don’t want to! I want to pout about losing THIS thing.)
- But you wanted that thing so you’d feel good. So, feel good. (I wanted to feel good THAT WAY.)
- Ah… you don’t get to. That balloon is gone. So do you still want to feel good? (Well, yes.)
- Okay, then. Let’s think about anything else.
And then I do!
It goes really fast for me, but I’m really practiced at this. And you can be too. Just start by reminding yourself that — at some level — any ATTACHMENT you’re having to a particular outcome is all about that tantrum-throwing toddler. And that thing you want — role, agent, whatever — is the balloon that got away.
It’s gone. Move on.
If you find at first that a part of you needs to stay in that tantrum loop for a bit, extend the interview tactic a bit.
Say, “Okay, so you’d rather feel BAD about not getting the chance to feel GOOD in EXACTLY THAT WAY right now? Okay. Enjoy that. Throw your tantrum because that balloon got away. It’s lost in the wind. You can throw your three-year-old bod down on the ground and cry and kick and scream. Eventually, you’ll get bored with that. You’ll tire yourself out. I’ll be here when that happens. Then we’ll pick up that list of questions again. Oh. You’re ready? Okay, good. So you want to feel GOOD? Yes? Great. Let’s think about anything else to get going on feeling good, since that balloon is gone.”
So, as you face any sort of disappointment in this business — or in life — try my little interview tactic. Really visualize this exchange and have fun with it!
It may take a minute… but it’ll always eventually come around to the choice to pick a better feeling thought.
Yay! New balloon! 🎈
A quick list o’ awesomeosity before I close off today.
1. I was recently a guest on the Studio Time podcast. Not familiar with it? It’s new! And it’s pretty cool! Start with my episode and then poke around to explore all the artistry. 🙂
2. I think it’s safe to say that last week’s SMFA Tune-Up call was one of our best ever! We covered why meeting with an agent right now could be a red flag, how Atlanta got its momentum and how actors there can make the most of it for the long term, ways for you to fill in the gaps in your existing footage, a power move for co-stars looking to move up to the guest-star tier, and what gimmicks *actually* say about your own faith in your talent! Snag your copy of the marathon replay here.
3. Alumni! We’re opening up applications to join us inside our Expansive Capacity mastermind for February (our topic is all about building up your healthiest love life and fortifying ANY partnership in life) and we have two more suites available for our SMFA Escape in Desert Hot Springs. (Keep an eye on my Instagram stories for some previews from the property over the next few days! Hooray!)
Oh man, 2019 is off to such a crazy-good start! Thank you for welcoming me along your creative journey!
I’m excited to witness many balloons being a part of your life… some for a bit longer than others. 😉