Hello from Barcelona! I am hopping on the internet for the express purpose of sharing this little story with you because it is a tremendous example of how the tools that are a part of Expansive Capacity allowed me to reframe what could’ve been a spiral into one of those bad neighborhoods our brains sometimes like to roam around in, looking for trouble.

I’ll be spelling out a lot of detail here but please note that the following took mere seconds, when it comes to how quickly I shifted my mindset and got on with what became (naturally) a spectacular day filled with miracles. I’ll write in present tense so you can go on the journey with me. As I highlight which of the Expansive Capacity tools allowed me to make these shifts, I’ll ask you to consider that what we’ll be doing as a part of our membership is not only teaching you how to do exactly this type of work but guiding you through it and supporting you as you learn each element and create your own strengths in upper-limit problem breakthroughs.

It’s the last sea day of our cruise. “Sea day” means many things, most excitingly that we’ll be in our Abraham-Hicks workshop most of the day. But it also means all 2800 passengers and nearly 1500 crew members are on board. It’s a noisy energy (not necessarily noisy to the ear, but definitely — for a sensitive critter who’s wrapping up a deeply intimate mind-body healing journey — it’s a lot of “stuff” flying around at once). I have rearranged my last deep-tissue massage of the cruise to take place today and it’s a little earlier in the day than I had originally booked it months ago. I have confirmed with the spa concierge not once but twice the exact time at which and the therapist with whom I’ll meet. She has written it down for me, twice.

We go to bed with my usual ritual of setting all my day’s alarms in my phone, along with a fun-filled reading of the ship’s daily bulletin, joking about what activities we may attempt to pack into our day, giggling about the nightly phone message our concierge leaves with reminders. A lot of organized thought for such a relaxing time off the grid, but it’s the minimum container for me to be able to relax: scheduling the day ahead before going to sleep.

At 7am, I awake without my alarm, notice the sun, and therefore check the time. You’ll recall from GIGFTNT that I do not check time if it’s dark because if it’s dark, the only data I need, I already have: “It’s dark; keep sleeping.” But the light outside has me checking my phone, which says 7am. I double check that I have one alarm set for 7:50am to get me up and moving (in case my mental alarm fails me, which it never does) and another set for 8:10am to head to the spa in my robe and flip-flops, ready for my 8:30am deep-tissue massage with Camilla. As has been written down for me. Twice.

At 7:40am, I’m up and moving around, because, as always, I wake up without my alarm. In fact, I’ve already turned off both of the aforementioned alarms because I’m now moving around easily, greeting this gorgeous day with a stretch and my daily inventory of which of my body parts are showing up to communicate with me about the various energies I encounter throughout the day. I’ve thanked my body for showing up and tuning in. I’ve done my “which sensations are mine? Which will represent others’ communication?” body assessment. And then the cabin’s phone rings. At 7:40am. Why would this be happening?

“Hello, Miss Bonnie? We are expecting you for an 80-minute deep-tissue massage in our spa today.” “Oh, yes,” I reply. “I am so looking forward to it!” “Yes, Miss Bonnie, it was at 8:30am. If you can hurry, you can still have some time.”

If you’ve ever seen a cartoon character’s whole body change color to a bright red with steam then flowing from its ears until the top of its head pops right off, you can visualize what I looked like as I took in what I had just been told and flew around the room trying to get out the door.

As I fly through the hallways and up the staircases and then through the deck area by the empty hot tubs and lightly populated pools, through the solarium and by the nooks and crannies I had occupied at various times throughout the cruise when I needed to feel like I had some privacy — a giant hammock here, a cozy pod there — I feel myself slamming through the Abraham-Hicks emotional scale from despair to rage in just three short minutes. My eyes are hot with tears that are now starting to stream down my face as I take on the betrayal of the boat’s policy to NOT honor the end of Daylight Saving Time until after we dock tomorrow, thereby providing their crew an extra hour in port rather than giving us an extra hour that my iPhone — and therefore all my alarms and reminders — decided I had.

The first person I see once I make my way to the spa’s front desk is the same spa concierge who had written down my appointment reminder card. Twice. I decide she will be the recipient of my rage as I speak quietly but angrily through clenched teeth about the problem being that she never thought to mention to me when I originally rescheduled the appointment — to avoid having another massage from the therapist I had had in the first week of the cruise (she was a major over-seller and I really hate being upsold when I’ve already plopped down a few hundy for a massage during a cruise on which I’m spending a few grand to begin with) — and again when I reconfirmed the new appointment days later that there is this whole cruise ship policy to NOT recognize the end of Daylight Saving time that I should be sure to know about as I set my reminders. The problem being that there was no spa service reminder sent to my stateroom. The problem being anything other than “Bonnie Gillespie did not put together the whole ‘We’ll get back this hour when we get back to Barcelona’ thing in order to understand how that meant her Sunday morning was going to go.”

Rage. Better than despair. But definitely NOT a vibe you want going into a massage on the last day of what has been a phenomenal, blissful, life-shifting two-week cruise, right?

Deep breaths. You’ve got this Gillespie. Of course you do. This is exactly the set of skills you’re about to teach some of your very favorite people to master so that they never again have to feel they are a victim of circumstances or emotions or actions that make them feel powerless. This IS the work.

It is done. In a heartbeat, the chaos is all turned around. No day-long derailment required. This was a blip. And it’s over. No more giving any power to it.

As I wait for my therapist, I sip tea they have brought to me and I watch the waves crashing and notice the collection of condensation on the massive windows here at the front of the ship. I begin reflecting on the turn-around process that took mere seconds, and I do a little inventory of how I went through it, so I’ll be able to articulate it for y’all. Because as we begin our Expansive Capacity journey, we’ll be experiencing these steps together slowly… so we can build up the momentum required to feel their power most fully. So you’ll be able to start doing this on your own, daily, to create and maintain better feelings at the drop of a hat. And get better and better at it, so you’ll begin manifesting like a mo-fo as you leave behind the blocks that used to say, “This is it. There’s no more than this for you.”

I used the Abraham-Hicks Emotional Scale. I’ve already described my shift from despair to rage while speed-walking in my robe and flip-flops to the spa. Once I unleashed my rage verbally, I took a deep breath and — before anyone could say a word to me — I decided it was time to feel only frustrated, not rage-filled. Shifting up. The spa concierge began to detail the unfortunate hiccups of time-shifting — in fact, the boat itself had reset out of Daylight Saving Time and then pushed forward to stay true to what they’d told us it would do and then again flipped back again (Whoa! Them’s some powerful computers overriding the captain’s wishes!), so they had to do another manual override, causing all sorts of disorganization this morning. I then moved up to hopefulness just as she shifted into telling me that this was something others were contending with. I knew hopefulness is still twinged with a “what if” of negativity so I put myself squarely into a state of optimism. And as she said I would still get my 80 minutes of bliss, would I like to wait in the relaxation room with some hot tea while my therapist prepares an aromatherapy concoction specifically to relax my frazzled nerves this morning, I am full-on in appreciation. Not because of that offer. Not as a result of that offer. I got to each of these checkpoints along the way *before* the resulting manifestation was revealed. I directed these offerings with my intention.

Looking back at my most aggravated state, I checked in on which of the Expansive Capacity tools could show me a way of understanding them, appreciating them, forgiving them, learning from them. A further inventory for you to enjoy….

Moon Phase: Ah, of course, we were under a void moon when I last verified the appointment.

My Signs: I have my moon in Libra and Libra rising. These little dudes want everything to be 100% fair 100% of the time. That’s a tall order, of course, but there were some really gnarly feelings of betrayal for what I’d bought and paid for months before at one point.

My Fascinate Advantage: Prestige and Power. Self-care has always been seen as a sign of prestige for me, when it involves paying for a luxury service. Especially one like a massage. On a cruise ship. In the middle of a five-week world tour. Like some fancy fucker. Power, of course. I was feeling as if I had none as I scurried to the spa, having left the stateroom without doing all the things that make me comfortable to have them done (putting my jewelry in the safe, storing my journal safely away, setting out things I know I need while tucking away whatever might be in the attendant’s way as he tidies up while I’m gone). No power. Surrender, surrender.

My Numerology: I’m an 8 by birth. Power number. See above. Woof! Such contrast.

My 4 Tendencies Tendency: Hello, Upholder, mortified that a mistake of timing yields missing out on a commitment of self-care! Furious that the whole day’s spa schedule could be thrown off by this.

My Tony Robbins’ 6 Human Needs *lowest* need is Uncertainty and it’s throbbing like a toothache as I head to the spa.

My Inner Child is screaming due to “poor girl brain” being triggered over my having paid a premium (sea days are way more expensive than port days for services, and I had bought a long and more expensive massage to use at cruise’s end specifically to reward myself for such good work here and all year, really). Thinking I’d only receive a portion of this self-care — and receive it while in a shitty mindset and emotional state — was ticking all the boxes that need checking when I want to have my enoughness lowered by any outside circumstance involving money, ever. The anchoring of those early childhood memories is strong. NTB (Next-Tier Bon) has to be stronger.

My Love Language: That’d be Acts of Service and boy oh boy was I feeling unloved because no one took care of this tricky communication that people in the care and hospitality industry KNOW to be on top of. Add to that, I was risking losing this act of service altogether by being late and in such a bad state to receive self-care.

I checked in with The Emotion Code and The Body Code to see where I might be feeling emotions planting themselves while I was feeling so powerless. I felt my throat chakra clenching due to not feeling heard before I even entered the spa.

ALL OF THIS leads to low enoughness if we’re not constantly running a self-check that’s fully equipped with the tools for making instant changes, incremental recalibrations, itty-bitty shifts in our inner system for receiving data from others and from past messages so that we can intentionally MAKE those adjustments before spiraling out way too far to ever get to enjoy the manifestation of the very thing we’re here to squeeze all the joy out of, every freakin’ minute of our lives!

Now, the super-fun part of turning all of the poopiness around using these tools is that I was able to get really appreciative for the guidance system in me doing its best to have me pay attention to the vibration of this day’s appointment. Believing I needed to go check on the booking, that was a ping. Waking up naturally at 7am, that was a ping. And thinking about the night before all of this, when we went to the bank of elevators on our floor (10) and the display for ALL of the elevators was on 7 (any repeated or sequential numbers are angel numbers, but for these to be SEVENS and then my body clock waking me up at 7), there was a lot of communicating going on.

Remember, my mind-body healing journey has included lessons about how to listen to my body when it whispers so it never needs to scream. The whole universe is regularly whispering to us in myriad ways. Tuning into which of the signals are ours to pick up and which are for others, that is some of our work here. It becomes a superpower when we’re aligned to receive it all.

So, there you have it, alphas. 🙂 That’s my walk-through of a series of micro-adjustments I made using the powerful tools I’m continuing to master daily so that I could have the spa treatment I wanted rather than one that was even slightly less blissful than what I have the capacity to experience. No poopy day that spiraled out of control. No more than a half-dozen minutes of displeasure at the most. Because turning EVERYTHING around is 100% within my control.

Hope you enjoyed this lovely tale of empowerment! Ready to join me in this joy? Let’s do this!

Bonnie Gillespie is living her dreams by helping others figure out how to live theirs. Wanna work with Bon? Start here. Thanks!

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  1. Lucy December 28, 2018 at 7:31 am

    I love this post so much. Hadn’t come across it before, and it’s amazing. I was crying at one point, so much resonating. Beautiful. Thank you – it’s super useful.

  2. Bonnie Gillespie December 28, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    I’m so glad, Lucy. Means a lot to me to be able to share the nuts and bolts of how I do this work. XO


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