So.
It’s no secret I spent all of 2018 on a deep mind-body healing journey that included a hospital stay, multiple trips to the ER, meeting with specialists all over the world, having every test run, and determining that what was “wrong” with my hip and lower back that kept me on bedrest for months was… and is… the place in my brain that broke when I experienced trauma in my early life.
When we don’t deal with the pain we experience emotionally, eventually the human brain will — while trying to move danger signals TO the point of verbalization — reroute those messages into what is interpreted as physical pain… even when nothing is physically wrong.
It’s no surprise that this “bitch, sit down” moment in my mind-body connection came just over a year after I got sober. Because I was no longer providing my brain with the opportunity to NOT FEEL all the things, this whole operation started *feeling* things I had walled off since childhood.
And until I dealt with this stuff, I was going to remain on bedrest. Because my brain remained certain there was a threat to ward against.
I share this context because I had a rude awakening in December of 2018. It was at that point that we reached the year mark of my mind-body healing journey. This is when the pain I was experiencing went from being “this shitty thing I’m having to deal with” to becoming a part of who I am.
Something really major happens in the human brain when a pain we’re experiencing goes from ACUTE to CHRONIC: A whole new level of brain chemistry starts activating.
When something is acute, the brain is aware it’s a temporary condition. Chemicals flood in to handle the emergency, to help us endure the threat, to keep us in peak performance for WEATHERING the stress of it all. More importantly, there are protections in place to keep the acute situation from building neuralpathways that change who we are. Our brilliant brains are protecting us from becoming victims of that emergency state; they’re wired to help us be survivors.
When a condition becomes chronic, however, the brain MOVES the experience over to a whole other management center, where a different set of brain chemicals flood in. Hormones that depress the system — since we’re now in this “this is the way it IS now” state — take over. Since we’re not meant to weather extreme stress for extended periods of time, there are systems in the brain to *normalize* the chronic condition. Who we are changes.
Anyone who has ever experienced profound loss (a parent dies, a child dies, a spouse dies) knows the shift that happens at the first anniversary of the loss. There’s a new normal. It’s depressing. It’s also potentially freeing, if we’ve been stuck in a state of mourning. But if we’ve not been properly mourning all throughout that year… well… that one-year mark is a new level of depth to the depression.
And while we have data about how people who’ve experienced such things cope when they COME BACK to the rest of the population (who have not experienced those same stresses), we have ZERO data on what happens when there is a *universal* stress that we ALL weather… with no “home” to come back to. There’s no population that hasn’t been living in quarantinetimes this past year.
So in addition to the fact that in the coming weeks we are *all* going to feel the shift into a more depressive place in the brain, we’re in uncharted waters when it comes to how we COPE when there’s no population to embrace us and help us “get back to normal” after having weathered all of this.
We’re going to get to learn together how we handle this next part.
Thinking back to other times you’ve weathered an acute condition shifting over to chronic (see last week’s BonBlast and livestream replay for the big 5 most of us can expect to experience in our lives), what’s the kindest thing you can do for yourself RIGHT NOW in prep for what’s to come?
Share in the comments just below. I’d love to feature some of the best, most self-loving, nurturing, enoughness-filled suggestions in a future BonBlast, as we’re ALL gonna need to lean on each other for a while here.
Thank you in advance for sharing your toys, for strengthening this amazing community of ours, and for giving yourself SPACE to feel this transition — and not judge yourself harshly for it. It’s NOT you. It’s all of us. And we all cope in different ways.
Everything we’re feeling is correct.
I love you,
Enoughness is an inside job… and sometimes you need a guide to find your way there. Let Bonnie Gillespie get you started.
Ooof. First, thank you for this. I sometimes feel on the outside looking in at all the people scurrying about amidst this breathtakingly, heartbreaking time in ALL our lives. I always feel like there’s something wrong with ME if I’m not “living my best life” every motherfucking second of the day. Or even every week. Or month. I am not trying to argue for the depths of sorrow and negativity but I AM sometimes, literally *screaming* to be heard about the reality of what we are all going through. The general feeling is that we all felt a profound shift at the beginning of the pandemic. We stopped, we paused, we evaluated ourselves. But what has changed? Since then? Nothing. Or, not a whole lot. Yet we have raced to go back to “the busy chronicles” and “nothing to see here, everything is fine!”
I don’t know the answer, or have any tips except this one: feel what is. Whatever it is. Whenever it is. I have a strong sense that if we can *allow* that, then maybe we’re really on to something.
I love you Bon. ❤️
Beautifully said! I think what has change that is really critical is – us. Even though we have been closed away from the world what has expanded is our self awareness, our desire to heal, and our ability to do so. By being self aware we create ripples that help others do so, too.
Big HUGGGSSS!
YES YES YES!! I’ve been trying to articulate this to everyone in my life to explain why I’ve been having depression flare-ups. I’m about to send this TO EVERY HUMAN EVER
xoxoxo
I got you. Just hollar.
Morning meditation has changed my world. I use “Insight Timer” on IOS it’s worth the investment. If you like music, guided, live, more of teaching class. It is the most amazing platform.
Then I listen to Abraham Hicks afterwards for another 30 min. And now I’m starting to write my morning how I feel intentions: I woke up excited, happy, feeling good.
I now check in with myself and if I’m not in a good place emotionally, I ask myself honestly why. And I work it out and if I need to wallow and feel that pain I let myself, but only for a little while. Like I tell myself ok you can be sad for two episodes of this show and then I have to move on.
I still have to remind myself that other peoples issues and opinions aren’t mine and I don’t have to take them on or their energy. I have let relationships kind of fall by the waste side because they didn’t serve my soul or my energy. It’s a constant practice but it works
Love this – I’ve stepped up my meditation game by A LOT this past year and am hoping to add journaling (or morning pages) to the mix. Apps never worked for me so I started paying for a community that meets M-F on zoom for different sessions. They are 30 minutes each and amazing.
http://www.tulameditation.com for anyone interested.
The level of inner calm I experience in the midst of the outer anxiety has been soooo lovely.
Working in the ER is no easy task let alone during a pandemic! The overflow of people that came in after the holidays was insane! I felt myself starting to get really depressed and felt really hopeless. Then I found restorative yoga! OMFG I’ve been living life wrong! During the 30 minutes I do it I become so peaceful I sometimes almost fall asleep! I just love the stretching and breathing I do! I would highly recommend it to anyone!
Thank you Melissa for all you do! I worked as a 9-1-1 police dispatcher for a very busy SoCal agency for many years…and after one too many ER/full moon days, I was done. I had to quit to pursue my new ninja lifestyle. So I feel your pain and know exactly what you are going through. I know people (patients, victims, coworkers, bosses, cops, firefighters, etc) never say thank you because you are often overlooked…So THANK YOU from the rest of us.
🙏 Hang in there!
Thank you Bonnie. And thank you Kellye above. I agree with the sentiment of really feeling things. I see a type of toxic positivity, which has made me spend less time on social media the last few months. Although I’m an optimist and always look for silver linings because I’ve HAD to my whole life to keep going, there is something to be said about being ok with not being ok. And then I ALSO give myself permission to really be ok in the moments that I am! I have had moments of true joy, created fun memories and upheld modified versions of holiday traditions. I’ve tried to balance keeping a sense of normalcy but also being keenly aware that things are not normal and I don’t want it to feel like normal. Mostly I’ve just been incredibly kind to myself. Let myself off the hook with anything and everything. And had so many cookies. 🙂 The usual pressure I put on myself to be “excellent” and “succeed”? It creeps up sometimes but mostly I just say “this year doesn’t count”. Even if I’m still getting very loud messages from hustle culture. Me personally? I do not have the goal of writing King Lear. I have the goals of feeling, reflecting, healing and patience.
Of course there are certain areas where losing this year is no joke. Especially as a woman still considering having biological kids but always having wanted some level of financial and career stability first to break cycles of poverty. Losing this year in that regard is heartbreaking and scary. Because at some point the ovaries close up shop and that’s that. They didn’t get the memo there was a pandemic that put everything on hold. But even with that I’ve been doing more and more research and soul-searching on fostering, adoption, and getting real with myself about what I really want and how I can accomplish it. But everything else? Can be fixed. The debt I’m in now? Can be worked off. Like so many times before. Acting? Will still be there. It IS still there. The relationships I built did not go anywhere. The beautiful work I’ve already done is still out there for anyone to see. Maybe I lost a bit of momentum (and didn’t get to go to my premiere at Tribeca!) but my ability, talent and years of work already put in are still 100% there. And I can offer it from an even deeper place and it will now be received by people who can understand me better, whose empathy has perhaps also grown.
For me 2020 was like Bonnie’s 2018, a year of ER visits, surgeries, debilitating daily health events and bedrest for a good chunk of it. So being kind to myself was a must. Beyond the pandemic even. But I’ve kept crystal clear focus on the things I am grateful for. The people who helped get me through this year, even from a distance. Going through major surgery and recovery entirely alone was one of the worst parts of the year but I still feel so much gratitude for the people who messaged, called and even stayed friends with the nurse who was so sweet. Going under anesthesia without even having a person in the waiting room is a moment of intense fear I will be processing for quite awhile. But my boyfriend sat in the car in the parking lot for hours until the surgeon called him. Those moments. Those are the things I’m holding onto for dear life. The friend whose cousin is letting us borrow his old clunker so I can get to appointments. The daily e-mails of Get In Gear. They light up my day and keep my mind focused. The comments under each day, knowing there’s a little hive of people thinking about the same things as it pertains to their lives and career, specifically in this weird year.
I truly believe things will be normal again. And sadly I’ve had to be a pro at living with trauma since childhood. But I’m also a resilient little bugger. I just KNOW that if I keep going it will be worth it. I ALWAYS get back up again and experience the most incredible things. No matter how dark or how low and I’ve been to some of the lowest of lows of the human experience having experienced abuse, neglect, assault, poverty, leaving a cult, traumatic health experiences, miscarriage, divorce, suicide attempts and hospitalization, estrangement from family/shunning. I’m only sharing that list to say how amazingly powerful the human spirit is. If it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger, right? But the thing they leave out about that is that getting stronger can take a really long time. You can be a heap on the floor again and again but eventually you regain your footing. Learn how to walk again. And then you’re unstoppable. And as an artist there are very few experiences I can’t relate to deeply, which is such a gift. So I have that to offer the world. And I know that the better I can get at my craft the more beautifully and nuanced my performances can help others heal.
And the other thing I remind myself is that this year of sacrifice has probably saved lives. No, I’m not an essential worker on the front lines. But I can say with pride that every single choice I made this year stepping out of my house (and mostly staying in it) was mindful and intentional. Every mask I wore, every time I stepped into the street to keep distance, every day I stayed home risking my mental health, it was to keep a few more bodies out of ERs for those traumatized hospital workers, for people’s grandparents to see them again soon, for immunocompromised people to get to go back to work or take care of their kids, for the people who couldn’t put all of their expenses on a credit card this year.
Love you Ninjas! I love being part of a community that looks at life realistically and holistically and I know we will get through this.
Hi Jessica – I just wanted to say, I see you and hear you on the approaching menopause time of a woman’s life, and the impact the pandemic has had on that aspect of my life too.
*hugs*
Thank you, I see you too. Sending you hugs as well. Hope you can find peace and clarity around it. Lol or if you are like me lots of nice research to bide the time. 🙂
This is very powerful. As someone who has suffered with chronic, “undiagnosable” pain for the last 10+ yrs, I know this feeling of “not being you” anymore so well. When the pandemic hit, it was so strange. All at once, my “weakness” (as the world view chronic pain, or really any spot of vulnerability) became my strength. My partner and I knew, more than most, how to pivot. How to adapt when life didn’t fit with what I needed due to pain. I also knew how to be alone, inside, with no one but my partner. All of a sudden, zoom hangouts were happening in so many areas. Everyone was wearing sweat pants.
Strangely, in those first 6months, I thrived. I could navigate this. I could help others navigate this. I was finally able to participate in virtual acting classes/meetings/hangouts/events I would otherwise run the risk of having to miss due to a pain flare up. Life was at my doorstep without judgement. This allowed me to work on my time, schedule and comfort level. With my partner out of work since March, I have also selfishly had a workout buddy who I didn’t feel guilty about watching run all around trying to fit his own life, multiple jobs and activities in while constantly and lovingly rearranging for my needs.
And then December hit. And the panic attack started. The low feelings. Weird, I thought. This is my favorite time of year. But it was also over a year since I had hugged my mom or brother, with no end in sight. My mother who has mental illness, was struggling terrifically and there was no way I could get to her in Pittsburgh. Our financial situation began to become dire as the small WOC owned business I worked for lost more work and couldn’t pay me. No pay and partner out of work = FEAR.
It was time to pivot again. I knew it, but couldn’t figure out how this time. Look for a new job (if CJ hadn’t found more personal training clients or a remote admin/ops job in 10mos though he was constantly looking, how was I going to find one during the holidays?!?!)? Stay the course and believe that my boss + her company could weather the storm? Zoom more with my mom to make sure she felt loved and seen, would that be enough?
And my creativity was at an all time low. I had just started the SummerCamp Collective, a collaborative group with the aim of inclusive creation, mentorship and uplift. This was a 7yr dream in the making, and though it was a baby step (three badass women writers meeting bi-weekly to develop a project) it was happening. This was supposed to be magic. This is was a step toward my larger dreams. This was a way for me to act/write/collaborate all while still quarantined since I wasn’t taking any chances with my health and having only been here for 2yrs when the pandemic hit, I had yet to make any real relationships in the business out here or have even one audition. This was not the time for low creativity, anxiety or staying in bed all day. But stay in bed I did.
As of a few days ago I felt the veil lift a bit. Nothing has changed. Not the world, the pandemic, my financial situation, or access to the industry I have pursued for over a decade. But, I am ok. I am able to look back a the last 11.5 months and realize I have survived. Once again. And to realize that it’s ok to bend. To question. To feel weak. I am duct-taping my life together moment by moment, with laughter, meditation, gluten-free cake, self-kindness and vulnerability. And that has to be enough right now. Moment by moment, breath by breath.
This BonBlast brought tears to my eyes and I was compelled to comment (sorry for the length). Because sharing our truths, sharing our vulnerable hearts, can provide a collective safe space for healing. And for hope.
Thank you.
I love you. I love this. I love me. I love us.
As an Acts of Service loving, hard charging, emotional but fixed and very airy, gregariously extroverted human, the best way I can care for myself is to really focus on those things that I can control to cushion those those things that I can’t. My selfcare involves doing, be it tasks, keeping tools available, or writing naps into the schedule. Yes, my dipkit of bath/read/soothe is grand, but it’s the doing that keeps me feeling chronically on top. Do the laundry. Go on a hike. Pay those bills soon as. Spend an hour petting a rabbit. Meet that deadline. Try that new recipe and nourish myself. For me, overall, I move forward. Stagnation is my energy vampire.
I usually lean on analog style face time with my people to keep me grounded, but since that is out I have been leaning into Acts of Service for them instead. I send care packages of handknit hats and cookies to friends who are in far away places, and do door dash delivery of home made soup and biscuits or some blackberry cobbler to my people who are nearby. I’ve shared puzzles, books, and crafting supplies with my friends and neighbors. When they return the favor I beam for a week. I say start a pen pal circle. Mail soothing boxes of tea. Start a virtual book club. Drop ship some 90s style tube socks with a promise note for a roller skating adventure. Put out what you want and watch it come back to you.
There is so much uncertainty right now. Knowing how I operate, and how I don’t, is an otherworldly advantage in How To Deal and resting pretty in my own enoughness. It allows for so much more grace and ease. I am absolutely not for the toxic positivity of “good vibes only” or “focus on the positives”. This shit is shitty. And deadly. And awful, for far too many. I feel the feels. All of em. But when I find the overwhelm start to creep in I get to doing. Even if that doing is reading an entire novel over the weekend or binging my pals new Netflix show while eating kale chips and knitting. But that’s usually after I’ve knocked out a dozen tasky tasks. Usually 😉
love the pen pal circle idea!
I’m allowing myself more grace. It’s helpful to focus on the micro some days and that is enough. I am enough. We all are enough. Rest. Keep going. Repeat.
As a 28 year plus chronic illness veteran this is what has helped me to rediscover joy.
Remember that you, me, all of us are more than our dragons.
Dragons are the things that walk through life with us that are neither good or bad and often are surprisingly both at the same time. They can be our greatest miseries that transform into our greatest strengths by the alchemy of our soul’s creativity. These dragons come in all shapes and sizes. They can take the form of trauma in all sizes from “Big” cataclysmic T-raumas to the daily “Little” t-rauma’s that can add up to something twice the size of a Big ol’ T-rauma. Sometimes they roar like type 1 diabetes. Sometimes they hover over us making the shadows of depression. Sometimes they enter tip-toe quiet into our lives once scale at a time until they amount to the hulking shape of a world wide pandemic. Sometimes the dragons are content to be acute and other times they settle in like a determined chemical resistant toe nail fungus and become chronically forever.
The key to dealing with our dragons, no matter what shape they take or how long they decide to walk through life with us, is remember that we are not our dragons. The more we accept, acknowledge, and love ourselves, the more likely our dragons will transform into guiding teachers that help us. They can help us by guiding us stay aligned with who we are. We are divine manifestations of cosmic energy here to explore and learn and create and love. Dragons help us learn resilience, tenacity, grit, and radiance. As impossible as it sounds the dragons are there for us, not happening to us so that we can deepen our understanding of our true selves and our innate abilities to create, love, balance, heal, dream, and expand.
The goal isn’t to fight the dragons. The goal is to flow with them and heal and learn along the way. And when we get tired of dragons and need a rest? That’s when we allow gratitude to flow in. We literally stop and smell divine sent of roses, appreciate the adventures to be found in a great book, look up at the stars in wonder, listen to music that sets our soul free to dance through our bodies, appreciate the colors of a sunset, marvel at the ability of 1 and 0’s to connect with people we love in ways that were just a dream a few years ago, and thank chocolatiers for truly deliciously crafted 72% dark chocolate.
I am so glad to know I am not alone! We are all going through something and I think because of the pandemic, everything else is amplified in our lives. It is for me. Today has been hard….sometimes I tell myself “I’m just tired and this is only temporary.” And I try to put myself in a good mood or focus on the good and what I am grateful for…but sometimes that just doesn’t work. So I have to say, “Well, Mercury is retrograde again!” And add the old saying, “This too shall pass”. So now I say, do what you can do… because some days are rough, but if you get through it, other days you can accomplish the world.
Thank you Bonnie for being an inspiration to us all. I am SO glad I found you. ❤️
Wow. Wowowow. Your post and the comments. Thank you to everyone fir the shares. I couldn’t feel more gotten right now. The whole conversation around acute vs chronic… unhealed trauma, etc. So much I’d love to share about the impact of your words and what other people have written, but it feels like too much.
Instead, I’ll share some of my best tools: meditation (guided or otherwise, even a few mins on Headspace or similar app helps for me!), yoga, a hot bath, fresh ginger tea, alkaline water, eating right, walking/hiking, the Tibetan Rites (there are variations- I do the 5), nature, getting my bare feet on the grass, journaling, painting or drawing, essential oils (I like the Aura Cacia sprays for an inexpensive, quick mood shift)…
Then some days, we can’t access these things. So then, allowing rest, or binge-watching TV all night – or whatever – without shame. In fact, just allowing, in general. There are also some really great, compassionate and welcoming rooms on Clubhouse if feeling a lil extroverted…
Right now, I’m just cuddling w/my kitty. Animals know what’s up.
I have found that shifting my mindset does wonders. The snip and flip method. Instead of ‘I’m lonely and this sucks,’ shift to ‘how can I get some interaction?’ Type of thing. I’ve also found that hearing others stories helps me feel less alone. For me, I’ve found that focusing on my art, learning to be better at at, self improvement, etc. Has all played a huge hand in my not being depressed. It’s given me the feeling of ‘it wasn’t all for not because I accomplished something I may not have done without this down time.’ Make it woth it! Make it mean something! Use this time to teach and to guide, to learn, to feel, and to listen. I don’t believe humans were made for such disastrous events, events we created ourselves half the time, but I do believe that we were build strong enough to be able to overcome anything if we want it badly enough.
I’ve also been meditating, using aromatherapy, as well as healing stones. If you don’t have one, I truly believe everyone needs a worry stone.
And the biggest thing of all is to not beat yourself up for what you can’t do, but instead LOVE yourself for what you CAN do. Be the best you you can be.
I’ve definitely been feeling some mixed vibes lately, like wonky. I have nothing to be upset about that personally hits me, but the collective weight of covid now going on a year has got me feeling spaced out almost. The best things that have helped me get through the heavy feelings is to do more good than bad to my body . More water / tea than alcohol / coffee, more clean eating instead of junk food, more reading of books than screen time.
Bon! Great post and spot on as always!
The toy I decided to share, it’s something I created last year for myself. Now I’m slowly starting to share it.
It’s: ‘Know Your BFK Numbers’
What do you BELIEVE
What do you FEEL
What do you KNOW
For any given situation or issue.
Let’s look at stress for example. And a scale of 0-10. Where 10 is overwhelmed with stress.
What do you BELIEVE your current stress level is?
What do you FEEL your current stress level is?
What do you KNOW your current stress level is?
What I found is there is usually a mis-match between these numbers.
Sometimes it was enough for me just to know the difference. But sometimes I needed something extra.
Maybe I said: I BELIEVE my stress is a 2, I FEEL my stress is a 3, but I KNOW my stress is a 9. By getting the extra awareness data I was able to do something to reduce my stress faster. Like taking an immediate break and going for a walk or even putting my electronics down for a bit.
Knowing when to put down electronics was really good one for me when the pandemic news was getting to me. My questions on those became : What do you BELIEVE your current stress level is related to the pandemic? Then I repeated it for the other two.
The BFK Numbers have become my go to for checking in with myself on various topics. And then taking action on them.
Sending you and everyone so much love!
A few things that have aided in some relief during this season of imprisoned depression has been EFT Tapping – most effective is the “I am Enough” series.
Also for more understanding of Trauma in general- emotional, physical, psychological is the Trauma series going on right now by Whole.TV. Bonnie I especially thought of you and your physical hip pain manifestation you mentioned.
This series is eye opening!
https://trauma.whole.tv/viewing/
The EFT tapping “I am Enough” series I mentioned is from an app “The Tapping Solution” – “You Are Enough” Extended Sessions & Go Deeper Series
I love these!!!
Kindest thing? For me, it’s to remember Who is in control. Not everybody shares the same beliefs, though, so here’s some other stuff that might help:
See the situation and the ability to handle it as a muscle. Muscles grow by getting stressed, broken down and then built back up but stronger this time. Why could this not be all of you?
Limit exposure to unnecessary stressors. My parents used to, in my words, sign up for the panic attack of the week watching news. Dad was a little edgy. I think the news contributed to that. That was in the 80s. I see myself edging toward edginess when I watch news that stresses me out in some way because I wanna know WHAT’S HAPPENING?!? (FOMO much?). Not that I need to know but that I want to. It’s cool to be up on stuff, but once you’ve determined fire is how, you might wanna take your hand out of the flame.
Engage in more of something you enjoy. Dig tech news? Go watch some of that. Take a little walled-off time like Bonnie suggests.
KNOW THAT IT’S OKAY TO HAVE ME TIME (connected to #selfcare ), especially if you expect to present the best you, not the bedraggled you, at the next audition (maybe even if the role is for a bedraggled person). We have to be healthy ourselves to help others, and then we can start the sort of healing circle where helping others (sending out that good energy) nourishes us (receiving that good energy in return). A starving powerlifter is not going to set any records if they are so unnourished that their body is struggling just to lift its head, never mind 800 pounds in a squat.
Maybe the things is to know it’s not selfish to mind yourself enough that you can later be a help to others.
People are adaptable. We tend to find a way. “Normal” may not ever be what it was two years ago, but we can adapt and make things better, we can survive and then we can thrive.
One last thing is to, as has likely been advised, use some time to get better at whatever it is your dream is–acting, writing, whatever. The sense of accomplishment alone at just taking a baby step of progress, as Bonnie refers to in one of her latest videos, is worth it. I like to see things this way: I have a journey of 10000 steps. I’ve taken 100. I’m tired already. I can see it as “I’ve ONLY taken 100 steps?!?” or I can see it as “Cool. I’ve taken 100 steps! Whoo-hoo!” Which spin is more encouraging? (sometimes we have to spin things so we can see a little brighter reality that our instinct might present)
Well, yo dat. My brain definitely broke during the pandemic. Anything and everything that was tucked away in there took total advantage of any cracks to slip through and make my head their playground.
I’ve come a loooooong way, with lots of help, and there’s one more piece I’m hoping to have figured out before the end of the year.
In the meantime, I bought myself a little signboard at a dollar store where I can put up whatever re-inforcring message I need at the moment. That’s right: I’m billboarding my mental health. 🙂
I LOVE this, Mowsh. Thank you for sharing! Billboarding my mental health — that sounds amazing and nurturing and supportive and so so so good. Big SAME for lots of the things that took advantage of the cracks… I like to say the cracks gave those things the beloved opportunity to make themselves known in ways I could finally hear them whispering, “Tend to me.” Big big same. Sending love and hugs as always!